A Querrible Poem

I like agents,

Don't you see?

I just wish that

they'd like me.

I wrote a book

My book is good

Read it! Read it!

Yes, you should!

Okay, fake Dr Suess aside, I found this cartoon yesterday and it made me laugh. I guess it's just cutting out the middle man in the rejection process, right?*

*I am not self-publishing. Not now, not ever. I just thought it was funny.

I Love Ambiguous Headlines

From Yahoo: Exploding Deer Population Causing Billions in Damage

Well, yes, I'm sure if whole populations of deer were exploding, that would be quite a bit of damage. Just cleaning up the carnage would take time and manpower; if the explosions are powerful, I'm sure that's even more destruction.

Lists

Things I should do today:
Clean my apartment
Write the synopsis for Flash
Get some groceries
Start Walt's Bridge
Stay away from cookies

Things I will do today:
Procrastinate cleaning my apartment until just before Hot Stuff gets home
Work on Blank instead of writing my Flash synopsis
Get some groceries
Think about starting Walt's Bridge
Eat too many cookies

Things I definitely shouldn't do today but certainly will anyway:
Check my email obsessively for query replies
Smother my sorrows in warm, chocolate-chippy, homemade goodness

Some Times Are Better Than Some Times

Frequently in conversation or writing, I'll want to use a saying that perfectly captures how I'm feeling or what I want to express. But then I realize this saying is particular to my family, and no one else will get the meaning. It's frustrating.

For example, my cousin's son, when asked if he liked having a little sister, sighed and replied, "Some times are better than some times." Which is exactly how I'm feeling right now. But say that to the average person and they'll think you're nuts. Or not very bright. Or nuts AND not very bright.

Then there's the classic expression of the inevitable that Hot Stuff and I frequently employ. This isn't even a saying, it's more like sign language. It's done by holding your arms out in the "I don't know" shrugging position, while making a pinching motion with your right index finger and thumb. It pretty much means, "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. This is going to happen even if you don't like it." It comes from when I was teaching the three-year-olds in church. One little boy came to us, crying, because the other little boy was using "pinchies" on him. When we asked pinchie boy to stop, he just looked at us with an expression that said, "I'm sorry, I have to," holding his arms out in a shrug and continuing the pinching motion.

The last one that comes to mind is a result of my family's daily prayer. We use the phrase "Please bless" when asking for blessings for ourselves or others. My little sister, Bunzie, has taken that and now uses it in rather odd places. For example, if she hears a funny story about someone, she'll laugh and say, "Please bless that it's true." Or if she finds out about something exciting, she'll say, "Please bless that happens." It's kind of like "I hope" only weirder.

So, what are some sayings that you try to use until you realize no one else in the world understands you? (Whirl, this is probably pretty much every expression you use, but I'm not sure if that's the Britishness, or the Whirlness.)

Short Story Challenge 08

In case any of you were sitting there thinking, "Hmmm...I wonder if Hot Stuff is really as awesome as Kiersten says he is?" the answer is a resounding YES.

He's issued the Short Story Challenge. We both had to write what amounted to the back cover of a book--then exchange, and the other person has to write the story. Being Hot Stuff, he decided to make it really difficult for me (he has these ideas about growing as a writer...grumble, grumble) and gave me a story idea unlike anything I've ever written--or even thought about writing--before. Here's just a hint: confused septuagenarian veteran in the Netherlands. Should be interesting. (Also, GO ME! I spelled septuagenarian right on the first try! That's worthy of bragging, right?) It took me a bit to come up with one for him. But I hit on something that should be fun to see where he takes it.

In case you were wondering, yes, Hot Stuff writes, too, and is funnier and more creative than I am. He just has this whole job thing that takes up all of his time. But to date he's written three books and a short story. Dang, maybe this blog should turn into Hot Stuff Writes.

Superfluity of Naughtiness

I'll warn you right now: this post is not as interesting as the title would lead you to believe. Sorry.

But last night I was reading in James (you know, the Bible one, not the awesome jerk from Flash) and I came across Chapter 1 Verse 21, which commands one to "lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness." And frankly, I just started laughing. For me naughty means two things--my kids are being naughty (I don't want to call them bad, so naughty is nicer), or naughty as in, well, a more adult meaning. I don't really have to spell it out, do I?

So pairing naughtiness with superfluity just made me laugh. I thought it would make a good album title. Hot Stuff has always liked the name "Primal Gyrations" for a band (oddly enough, taken from a church publication in which someone was complaining about the way teenagers dance), and wouldn't that be a great follow-up album to their self-titled debut? Primal Gyrations and the Superfluity of Naughtiness Tour.

Odds are I probably didn't get the message I was supposed to in my scripture study last night.

Another section I just can't read without laughing is from another book of scripture. This chapter uses the phrase "fruit of [my, his] loins" TWENTY-ONE times. When Hot Stuff and I used to read chapters together every night before bed (now we just read verses as a family) we could never get through this one without laughing. Thanks, Lehi, we get it--loins, fruit, yup. I just, well, eew. Couldn't you say kids? Descendents? Anything else?

So, even reading the scriptures is more fun with me around. Less reverent, but more fun.

(Happy 100th post, ya'll. Thanks for liking me.)

Querily, Querily, Querily, Querily

Life is but a dream. Or a nightmare, if you are in the process of querying. Another day, another query.

Natalie and I have been going back and forth commiserating with each other about the querying process (only about forty emails to each other yesterday). While I like agents, I hate querying; it's the worst mix of dread, excitement, anticipation, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENING. And the most awful part is finally opening your email to see 1 Unread (I have an email address I use just for querying) and those few seconds of stomach clenching horror until you actually open it and see that yes, in fact, you have been rejected. Wonderful, wonderful stuff.

Querying crushes my soul.

But how's your day going?

Forward, Ever Forward

I got some good advice over on Evil Editor. Even though my original query got a good response, I think that the new one will be even better. Thanks, EE. So today I'll be rewriting it, and then starting the query process anew. Yippee. I love the smell of rejection in the morning.

Perhaps as a result of blogging about awkward teenage date conversation, I had dreams about my high school boyfriend. But don't worry--Hot Stuff was there, too. We were giving said ex and his wife advice about dealing with colicky babies. Yeah, that wouldn't be awkward at all.

Waiting in Line

Conversation between tiny teenage girl in too-tight pants and grungy teenage boy in too-tight pants:

GTB: "So, seriously, like what do you even eat?"
TTG: "Um, you know, just like raw fruits and vegetables and stuff."
GTB: "How do you survive??"
TTG: "Well, you know, I've only been doing it for like two days." Pause. "But I'm planning on sticking with it."

Awesome. I love other people's conversations. I also enjoyed The Dark Knight. I just wish we had been able to sit by GTB and TTG and hear even more wonderfully awkward conversation.

TTG: "I just want to lose, you know, like ten pounds."
GTB: Long pause as he figures out how to respond. "How is that even possible?"
TTG: Long pause as she figures out whether he was literally asking how losing weight is possible, or if he was trying to flatter her by saying she couldn't possibly afford to lose ten pounds. "I don't know, I just think it would be fun."

I hope he got an awkward kiss goodnight.

I'm Up

My query is up on Evil Editor. Take a look if you are so inclined.

A Craving

I want a summer storm.

I want masses of clouds in shades of blue and gray, so dark they look like ink spilled across the sky. I want chaotic forks of light to rip across the darkness, startling in their contrast and brilliance. I want the air heavy and hot, full of anticipation. I want thunder that you feel before you hear. And then--

I want rain. I want a deluge, the sky simply pouring its collected wealth down into the waiting earth. I want rain so heavy and complete that you are soaked through to the skin by merely stepping off of the porch. I want to run in mad circles, laughing and slipping on the grass, chilled in spite of the warmth still radiating from the ground. And then--

I want to go inside and peel off my heavy, sodden clothes with shaking hands and slip into something warm and soft and far too big. I want to sit in a window seat in a creamy yellow room with dark wood furniture, listening to the rain playing with the quaking aspens directly outside. I want to breathe deeply and let the smell become a part of me. I want to watch the rain fall and hit and bounce up again, the earth too filled to accept it. I want to think about nothing important, and tell myself stories there by the window by the rain.

Gulp

I just sent out a query. I know, I should have waited for my letter to come up on Evil Editor. Clearly patience is not one of my virtues. I'm just so excited about Flash.

Kind of funny though, I got a review from a guy today (who isn't related to me) and his complaint was that the action was great, but all the lovey-dovey stuff in the middle was annoying. It made me laugh. This is why the book is targeted at teenage girls.

Anyway, this is probably the first and last time I will update you on the querying process. My pride can only handle so much. On the bright side, no Dojo vomit yet today. That's always a good sign.

Update: Why is there never any candy in the house when I want to stress eat?

And It's Gone

Again. As randomly as the wireless stopped working, then started again, it has now opted to stop. Lovely.

Between that and the four times I cleaned up vomit in the last twenty-four hours, I'm feeling neither witty nor clever. I'm not even in the mood for biting satire. Mostly I'm just tired. Fortunately I have a good book to look forward to.

I'll leave you with a quote.

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." --Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Yes, folks, I'll be starting the sequel this week. Heaven help us.

Update: Finished the book. Look for Natalie in a bookstore near you, sometime in the next couple of years.

I'm Back

For now. We'll see how well Kiersten treats me. I think this time apart has been good for both of us. I couldn't hold out any longer; I missed Renee too much.

--Laptop

Why Life Is Funnier to Editors

I found the best ad ever. Ever. I was laughing so hard I almost cried. My sister was pretty sure I'd completely lost it. She thought it was funny, but not that funny. I'm telling you, the world is way more entertaining when you are an editor. The ad is in black. My reactions are in green.

NON-INVASIVE WAYS TO BE BEAUTIFUL...
INSIDE & OUT Man, I hate all of those invasive ways to be beautiful. This one time, I had my small intestine dyed green. I know, what was I thinking, right? But I wanted to be beautiful inside, too, and green is such a nice color. Won't do that again.

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR HEALTH! Charge! Charge! Visa!

Lose Weight & Prevent/Treat Degenerative Disease:
1. Balance Hormones
*Over a Decade of Experience in Bio-Identical Hormones! So, have they been in hormones for a decade? Or maybe they've just been hormonal for a decade? I can relate. And what is a bio-identical hormone, anyway? How does one experience them?

2. Detox Metals, Chemicals
*Destroys Your Organs and Glands So, lemme get this straight--you're offering to destroy my organs and glands? Is there some sort of special, like, Buy a Kidney Destruction and We'll Ruin Your Pituitary Gland at No Additional Charge! I guess it is pretty original. I've never seen any other offers to destroy organs and glands. Just how that makes me beautiful, I don't know, but I'm guessing you'd lose some weight if you took out, say, the liver. That thing must weigh a ton. And then you'd turn all yellow, which I guess might be nice if yellow was your favorite color.

3. Alkalize Your Body
Acidic Bodies Promote Disease and Weight Gain I can just see it now...all of those acidic bodies, marching in a rally. "Up With Disease! Down With Weight Loss!" I think I saw a telethon for them once. "Donate now to stop wellness!"

REMEMBER! Disease is a "Process"...Just Because You "Feel" Healthy, Doesn't Mean that You Are! Yes, but what if I "feel" sick? Does that mean I'm not? And what if I "feel" ugly? Is ugliness a "process"? Can I get some invasive beauty procedures? What if I'm in the ugly process, and I don't even "know" it? I don't know about you, but I "think" I'll start using quotes more liberally.

Anyway, wow, yeah, this ad made my day. Especially the offer to destroy your organs and glands. I don't know why anyone hasn't offered that service before. I am SICK AND TIRED of my lungs. I think I'll call them tomorrow.

Poll Breakdown

So, apparently more people are interested in seeing me write a new novel than getting the one I just finished published. What's up with that? Writing a new novel got five votes--working on a query? Zero. Priorities, people! Writing isn't all fun. You've got to put in the time on the miserable stuff, too.

That being said...I've been feverishly daydreaming the plot to the sequel. HOWEVER, another option that got one pathetic vote will have to come first. I've got to do some serious cleaning and get my apartment back under control before I can even think about starting a new project. And I've also got to polish my query and start sending it out to agents before I let myself get caught up in the story.

As far as cooking, well, I will try to be better about it, but it's hard to go gourmet when a) you have no money and b) you have a two-year-old who freaks out and gets angry and turns all of the knobs on the oven and stove whenever you try to make dinner.

The next most popular option was a bit confusing, I'm afraid. When I added the "Me, of course!" obsession, I think I was referring to myself. Meaning, I should become obsessed with myself. However, as Hot Stuff pointed out, it actually reads like I should become obsessed with you. So, dear readers, which three of you think you should be my new obsession? First of all, kind of weird. Second of all, you saw what happened when I was obsessed with Flash. Do you really want that kind of insane focus dedicated to you? I didn't think so. (But seriously, who voted for that one?)

As far as knitting, my right wrist is now messed up pretty bad (just like my left wrist) thanks to carrying Dojo, the world's most solid and demanding two-year-old. Alas, that option is out. Thank goodness. I'm not really the knitting type.

And Laptop went ahead and figured out a way to guarantee a break. We're still trying to figure that out. Faithless machine...

Query Revisited

Once again, now that I have a query I like, I'm taking it down. Sorry, folks.

Rebellion

Laptop has rebelled. Suddenly (and with zero reason) it is no longer recognizing the wireless hardware. Meaning no internet.

Personally, I think it's pouting. I know, I know, I've been using it way too much. But still, this is just petty. And annoying.

Faithful, neglected desktop is still working though. Thank goodness I emailed my final draft to myself last night...

Language!

Okay, I have a question. People seem very shocked when I use the word "crap." They know I never swear (haven't ever in my life, believe it or not), and are surprised that I say crap.

This was one of the only "strong" words acceptable in my house, and only when we got older, and only in certain circumstances. So, do I just think it is milder than it is? Is crap an offensive word? m-w.com lists it as "usually vulgar" when used as a verb (which is a use I never employ) and "sometimes vulgar" when used as a noun.

I know I don't say it around my kids, or even in normal conversation. In fact, I almost never say it unless I'm really annoyed or joking around. I do throw it around on occasion in my writing (usually for comedic effect, or to avoid saying words I consider profanity). So, what do you think? Is crap a swearword to you? Is it actually shocking, or just shocking coming from me?

Plot Junkie

I'm a sucker for a good plot. Heck, I'm a sucker for any plot. I'll read mediocre, even bad books in a few hours. I may be scowling, thinking to myself what a stupid waste of time and paper the book is, but I'll still finish it.

I have to know how it ends.

The only time in my life I have stayed up the whole night without ever going to bed was the night the seventh Harry Potter came out. I started at 1 AM, and read straight through, only pausing to get my kids out of bed and give them breakfast. I was done by 8. AM, in case you were wondering. I simply had to know--how does it end? Now, I'm not a rabid fan. I enjoy the Potter series, and I think Rowling is a great storyteller, but I've got some criticism of the books (five in particular needed a good edit). I didn't stay up all night with any of the first six books, but seven held the promise, the payoff. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, knowing that the resolution was just a few hundred pages away.

(Aha! This is why I love LOST so much. It's a plot junkie's dream come true/nightmare. Answer a question, raise five more!)

This is why I am not going to buy the last Twilight book at midnight, but I will go out and get it first thing in the morning. I just need to know how it ends.

Now, lest you worry, I can literary fiction it up with the best of them. In fact, the only commercial fiction I read is YA and middle grade. But let's admit it--they've usually got the best plots, anyway.

In fact, I'm such a plot junkie, I do something rather odd. Not with books, but with movies. If something comes out that promises a huge twist, or looks like it has an interesting story, I don't usually go see it (after all, no rated R movies, which limits things quite a bit). But I will look it up on wikipedia or IMDB and read the plot. I have to know--just what was Joshua up to? Who was Rosemary's baby? What was the Happening? (Even reading that plot was unbelievably boring and lame. Poor M. Night.) I might not want to see it, but I still want to know what happened.

And don't even get me started on Television Without Pity.

Conclusion? Yes, I am insane. I'm also incapable of not finishing a book, even if I hate it. How about you? Can you stop in the middle of a book, or does it torment you?

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, remember how I was funny? (Shut up, I was too!) And how I used to post on interesting things?

Turns out in real life I was funny and had interesting things to talk about, too. But now when people ask me how I'm doing, here's what I think:

"Oh, wow, after Natalie's suggestions, I thought of a GREAT new scene to add between Sarah and James. I think it will really increase the tension of the romantic triangle, which was somewhat lacking before. Plus, James is such a fun character to write, and I'm really looking forward to getting back to work on Flash and making it even more awesome. I'm also planning on doing another big edit, looking for areas where I can show more of what Sarah is thinking and feeling. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I was so busy figuring out what to change. And don't even ask about the query, because I don't want to talk about it."

However, since I haven't completely lost it, and know that most people (okay, everyone in the world except for like ten or so poor souls) do not care. And even if they did care, they wouldn't know what I was talking about.

So here is what I say: "Great. I've been pretty tired lately."

And here is what they say: "Are you pregnant?"

No. Unless you count giving birth to a manuscript. Which definitely took less time than incubating a human, but is making me just as much a zombie as my newborns did.

Goal for July: finish rewrites/edits. Get Flash out of my brain so there's room for other things.

The wilder and more entertaining the lives going on in the head of a writer, the lamer and more boring the writer is in real life.

Query Troubles

And this is why I've started my query weeks before I plan on sending it out. Odd that people found my joke query more effective than the real one...

Back to the drawing board. Thanks for the advice ; )

Query Round One

(If you want to hear my voice, scroll down to the next post.)

I figured since it's a YA novel, I'd kind of try to get into character. What do you think?

Dear Agent,

So, there’s this girl, right? And her name is Sarah. She’s young and pretty, but guess what? She can totally like see the future. Seriously.

But she doesn’t even want to! Because it hurts, right? And most of the time she sees things that totally suck, like this one time when she saw her parents get killed in a car accident and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. Serious trauma.

Turns out this super evil dude and his big corporation like to hire people like Sarah to give them inside info on stocks and other junk like that. But instead of hiring her, they just go ahead and kidnap her so that their competitors don’t get her first. Lame! Sarah’s totally pissed. And pretty scared, too, because being kidnapped? Not fun! Even weirder though—every night for the past three years she’s seen this totally hot and sweet guy in her dreams. And then he’s one of the kidnappers! So Sarah’s like totally freaking. Why would she love this guy in the future if he’s part of big evil company, right?

But then there’s this other guy, too, who also happens to be really hot. Maybe even hotter than dream guy. So she’s like totally confused. Did I mention when she touches people she gets these intense flashes of how they feel about her and how their futures connect? Yeah! So she also can’t touch anyone, because it really hurts and she hates it. But how can she know whether or not to trust dream guy unless she knows what he’s really like?

So there you have it, my awesome YA contemporary sci-fi-ish romance, or whatever, it’s super chill. Like 73,000 words, all of which are totally great. Let’s sell it, okay? Also, I’ve been published in a magazine, and I’m basically the coolest person around and would be SUPER fun to work with.

Luvs,

Kiersten


Hmmm...maybe I should use more abbreviations. Like, "ur gonna luv it, i no!" I was going for a little more formal, though.

My Voice Redux

Another voice challenge from Robin. If you want to hear others, or participate yourself, go to her post and look in the comments.

Okay. I cheated. I couldn't find anything I wanted to read. Then I came across this poem I wrote in college. Brilliant! I thought. The only problem is that it's in Spanish. But it's such a great poem! For those of you who don't speak Spanish, it's awesome. A woman is breaking up with someone, and comparing their love to elephants and the circus. Yes, it was meant to be funny. Yes, my professor thought I was wonderful. So, forgive my accent, it's been a few years since I've spoken Spanish. But then I started feeling bad--using another language really is cheating, since you don't get a feel for my normal accent and cadence. Surprise! You get two selections today. The second one (and sorry if you get dizzy--my son was not only trying to turn the pages as I was reading, he was also rocking the chair) is the (now cut) opening from Tut. The whole chapter is one of my favorite things I've ever written. Maybe that's why it had to go.

And finally, as before, the sound quality is not good. My only recording device is a digital camera. For some reason it picks up "s" sounds heavily; in real life I don't have a lisp. And no, I'm not talking fast because I'm nervous. I'm talking fast because I talk fast. Are you surprised?

(Sheesh, I hope you appreciate this...loading these videos took like an hour and a half.)

I Still Like You

In case anyone out there is hurt that I didn't ask them to be a reader (and let's face it, you're bawling your eyes out right now, aren't you? Wait, you're relieved? Dang!), please choose one of the following reasons why I left you out.

1. You're a lurker. I don't know you come on the blog, I don't know you're interested. Guess you should have been commenting, huh?

2. You're an icon. If I don't know your last name, or your first name, or even your gender, I'm more than happy to talk with you, but I'm not going to send you the manuscript I worked long, hmm, well, actually just hard on.

3. You are too far removed from my target audience.

4. You scare me. I can just see you making fun of my book on your blog, and laughing at what a nerd I am for writing a YA sci-fi-ish romance. Okay, pretty much Gurrbonzo is the only one who falls into this category.

5. I didn't know you wanted to read it. Don't take it personally; it's actually pretty nerve-wracking and embarrassing to ask someone to read your manuscript.

Good to Go

I've finished my new scenes and line edit. Wow. And re-reading the book wasn't disappointing--it was fun! That's always a good sign, right? So today I'll be sending it out to a few readers, then nervously twiddle my thumbs, waiting to hear if anyone not directly related to me likes it.

And actually, I won't be twiddling my thumbs much, I'll be trying to scratch out a query that doesn't make the book sound incredibly stupid. This is the part I am not looking forward to. So, coming soon, a query for you to rip to shreds. 250 pages? Not a problem. 3 paragraphs describing those pages? Arrrrgh.

What??

Favorite typo so far:

"He was impeccably dressed in a dark pinstripe suite."

Ummm, what? I'm not really sure how one can be dressed in a suite. This is why we do line edits, folks. They're necessary and good for a laugh.

Jumping the Gun

I know I'm still in the middle of rewriting and editing, but it's hard not to look forward to what's next.

First of all, the query is already giving me fits. Even thinking about thinking about how to sum up Flash in three paragraphs makes me want to bang my head on the table.

I'm also mulling over my list of all-star agents. The problem with this is that I get most of my information online, so I tend to like agents with blogs or a lot of interviews better. I'm sure there are fantastic agents out there with little or no online presence; they're just a lot harder to find. Fortunately much of my research is already done from when I queried for Tut, so finding agents to send my stuff to won't be as hard. The list also opens up quite a bit since this is YA and not middle grade, and also because it's not fantasy. (There's another problem: I have no idea what genre to put it in. Renee, Natalie, I'm looking to you two for help on that.)

Natalie had a great post on getting your hopes up. And I've got to admit, I'm really, really excited about this book. I'm trying to keep things in perspective, but it's hard. With Tut, I sent it out nervously thinking, "I hope they think that this is good." With Flash, it's like, "Man, they have to realize this is GOOD!" I'm sure my first few rejections will disabuse me of that notion, but, as I have yet to send it out, I can still maintain that little arrogant fantasy.

And speaking of arrogant fantasies, the other day I went to the local B&N with Dojo. I wandered around the YA section for a few minutes and was almost overwhelmed with this jittery, nervous excitement. I'm going to be there. I have to be there. Of course, that then competed with the dread pessimist in me thinking, "I'm never going to be there."

Okay, feel free to slap me. How about I knock all of this off and get back to editing. Yeah, sounds like a plan.

Back to Work

I talked the book over with Erin today. She made some good points; I definitely rushed the ending, and something I tried out to give a little narrative suspense ended up being a little too mysterious, as in she couldn't figure out what happened. Ah well. I kind of knew I was racing at the end; now it's time to let everything stew a little bit and see how I can improve it.

Update: I wish everyone could have Hot Stuff edit their writing. Not only does he make really good suggestions, he is also hilarious with his track changes comments. Example:

"Your parents died in a car crash January 25th, 2010." Hot Stuff's Comment: You realize that by 2010 all cars will be able to fly.

Presenting Flash

Thirty days. 68,000 words. 232 pages. One heck of a lot of typing.

I can't quite believe it, but Flash? It's done. I'm very excited, and more than a little scared. Part of me wants to start my line edit immediately; the other part is terrified that when I go back, it won't be as good as I remember it being. I think I'll take a day off. I've earned a good nap.

And now, the credits:

Caffeine generously provided by Coca Cola Vanilla Zero

Laptop provided by Hot Stuff

Sountrack provided by Snow Patrol and Pandora Internet Radio

iPod provided by Kiersten's daddy

Endless patience while being ignored donated by Hot Stuff

Encouragingly giddy fan provided by Lauren

Plot aid and suggestions provided by Hot Stuff and Erin

Excitement supplied in generous amounts by faithful blog readers (all five of you)

And finally, free time supplied by Dojo and his wonderful three-hour naps, and Nayna, who is still willing to have naptime even though she doesn't sleep.

Title for the Day

Band name? Short story? Television series? You decide. The title is:

Canines and Concubines*

Feel free to post a synopsis of your story, the opening paragraph, the plotline of the series, or the lyrics to the band's breakout hit single. Or just ignore me. Whichever.

Here's mine.

Amira is finally living her dream by opening a specialty pet store in Istanbul. But when a clerical order leaves her with concubines instead of porcupines, she's got to figure out how to juggle grooming dogs and managing thirty spoiled and ill-treated women. As if that weren't complicated enough, she feels an instant attraction to the local Sultan. But is he interested in her, or just her merchandise?

Alternatively, here are some lyrics:

Dog hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities!
Oh, what should they wear?

(That will be funny to all three of you who are familiar with Dashboard.)

*Today's title brought to you by: Hot Stuff

A Kiss

I've been thinking a lot the past couple of days about how to describe a kiss. It's so basic in execution, so varied in result. Entirely dependent on the feelings that accompany it, a kiss can be any number of things; even the same kiss can mean something completely different to each of the participants.

I remember a date in high school; I liked him as a friend, and he, sadly, liked me as more. I had made my feelings perfectly (but gently) clear, not wanting to hurt him. However, at the end of the night, he still gave me a small, sweet kiss on the cheek. It was so much less than what he wanted, and so much more than what I did. He was hopeful, excited, probably scared. I was just sad that I couldn't feel what he wanted me to.

This is not the kind of kiss I've been struggling to evoke. So, in honor of kisses, and I mean really, really good, reality bending, life changing kisses, I give you my all time favorite description of one (not to be confused with a description of my all time favorite one. Poor Hot Stuff would be too embarrassed).

"Marie started up,--directly into Emil's arms. In the same instant she felt his lips. The veil that had hung uncertainly between them for so long was dissolved. Before she knew what she was doing, she had committed herself to that kiss that was at once a boy's and a man's, as timid as it was tender; so like Emil and so unlike any one else in the world. Not until it was over did she realize what it meant. And Emil, who had so often imagined the shock of his first kiss, was surprised at its gentleness and naturalness. It was like a sigh which they had breathed together; almost sorrowful, as if each were afraid of wakening something in the other."

--Willa Cather, O Pioneers!

Blog Stalking

So, Hot Stuff was asking me the other day if I have any stalkers because of my blog. The way I see it, I'm not famous, interesting, rich, and/or hot enough to merit stalkers.

But it did get me thinking about blog stalking. Sometimes I get really embarrassed when I realize people have site meters. Because if you do, and I like you, you probably notice hits on your blog. A lot of hits. Sometimes like twelve in an hour.

CALM DOWN. I am not stalking you. Let me explain. While I'm writing, I have to let the scene play out in my head over and over again. So, as it's stewing, I mindlessly click through my favorite blogs--checking for new posts, comments, anything. Then something fits into place in my head and I go back to writing. Cue ten minutes later, stalling, clicking, etc. Repeat many times throughout day.

Point being, if you see my info popping up over, and over, and over again on your blog, I apologize. You're just a stalling tactic, and I promise I'm not stalking you.

(Well, except for you. I kind of am stalking you. But I didn't want everyone else to feel bad.)

An Ode to Sleep Deprivation

The age old dilemma: to write or to sleep?
If I go to bed now, will my stories all keep?
If I stay up too late, on the morrow I'll weep
Let's be honest, I'm buzzing, I'm in too deep.

I've read about zombies, they don't sleep a wink
Maybe they're onto something, I think
Of course, now my parenting really does stink
as do the dishes piled up in the sink.

My bed is singing her sweet siren song
My characters screaming, don't leave us for long!
Surely these passions can't both be so wrong,
but alas I'm too tired for any more rhymes.