Contentedness Kills My Muse

Last night I dreamed in story.

I woke up, clinging to the remnants of the drama my brain unfolded for me, wanting to know what happened next, frustrated that I had been ripped from the story.

In other words, I woke up happy.

This is a far cry from my dreams of late. Dreams of being unable to sleep (ha ha, brain, great sense of humor), dreams of driving and being unable to control my car, dreams of dropping things that really ought not to be dropped. Frustrating dreams that provide no outlet, no escape.

But stories! Dreaming in stories means my brain is where it needs to be.

The last few months have been severely lacking in creativity for me. I've been sick, I've been forced to focus my remarkable powers of obsession on the most mundane of tasks ever (eating--seriously, I have to obsess every hour of the day over eating, and it is so boring I will never forgive food*), and I've been...content.

Maybe some people can only be creative when they are in a "happy" place, but for me, being content kills my need to create. Creation, for me, is about wanting. About longing. About needing to invent something to spin around in my head, a story to fall back on and live in when things are quiet or boring or hard, so that I can do what I need to in real life. Writing is about movement, carrying my brain from one place to another, needing even false momentum for fear of stagnation.

I can want just as much when I am in a happy, exciting period of my life as when I am in a frustrating, difficult period. But when I am perfectly settled, oh, that is the kiss of death.

So, here is to being happily discontent. Here is to the need to create in whatever form. And here is to those happy, happy days when you have both the right kind of discontentedness and enough energy to do something about it.

Here is to story.

*No worries--it's a temporary condition and I am perfectly healthy, I just have to be very careful to maintain that health.

Story Time with Hot Stuff

This is the type of thing I find while cleaning out the mounds of papers we have hidden in cupboards all around our house.

I believe this Hot Stuff original was from a family night activity where we all wrote a Halloween story. You can see why my life with him is always happy.

Somebody get this man a picture book deal.

Teen! Kiersten!

As I was cleaning out a box in the garage I found an old scrapbook. Now, when I was a teenager, I did not have a digital camera. I didn't even have a cell phone. (Some of my peers did, and my parents did, but it wasn't so common back then. Which was twelve years ago. This is why I avoid specific technology in my books--it dates itself SO FAST OH MY GOSH WORLD CALM DOWN.)

So, I thought I'd give you some insight into Teen! Kiersten!

First, we have my best friend. She snored. She'd eat chocolate and then throw up all over the place. Sometimes when I came home she got so excited she started seizing. And she frequently knocked over the garbage can and chewed on things too disgusting to mention. She was the best:

 BABY PUG. When she ran in the grass, her little legs were so short and her belly so round it nearly dragged on the ground.

 Here is Chloe in a more contemplative pose. She was always modeling.

Chloe was very important to me, because I spent a lot of junior high and high school feeling desperately lonely. Sometimes I'd hold her and just cry, worrying that I'd feel like this my whole life. Spoiler alert: I wouldn't. But when I was a teenager it really seemed like I would. 

Girls, please remember that you are young. You have so very much time ahead of you for all types of relationships, and just because you might be in an unhappy place now doesn't mean you always will be. I met my husband when I was eighteen, just a few months after one of the most miserable periods of my entire life. And when it was right, it was right. And if it hadn't been right until twenty-eight, or thirty-eight, that would have been okay, too.

Aside from loving my dog, I also loved...boys. Oh, boys. I liked thinking about them and I liked having crushes on them. I was a rather determined flirt, even though many boys were vaguely terrified of me. At 4'11" and 95 lbs I was VERY intimidating. 

Oh, wait, you mean it was my fault for refusing to pretend to be dumb? Ah well. Girls: boys who don't like you if they think you are smarter than them are never, EVER worth your time. Boys who like that about you? Those are the gems.

Fortunately I was VERY VERY SNEAKY about liking boys. For example, no one would have guessed that beneath these two pillows I was holding hands with a boy for the first time ever. Riiiiiiight. Super sly, Kiersten. I'm sure no one figured it out.

 Spoiler: EVERYONE KNEW.

There was another boy at this time who liked me and had liked me for quite a while. Because the boy I actually liked lived far away most of the year, I encouraged this other boy. (Please see dog paragraphs re: how desperately lonely I was. I regret stringing him along just because it felt nice to be liked. It wasn't kind.) When the local boy found out I'd held hands with another boy (again: EVERYONE KNEW), he called me all sorts of nasty names.

Know what I did?

Stopped talking to him. Girls, if a boy ever calls you a name that reduces you to less than the amazing person you are, cut him out of your life. He has no right to be there.

Speaking of boys, once Teen! Kiersten! went to Mexico with her family and stayed at a rather bizarre resort. While there we met Federico from Argentina, who was quite possibly the most beautiful man any of us had seen in real life.

 FEDERICO.

We also hung out with Carlos, who was adorable and funny and fun to be around. On my last night there, Carlos and I were walking around the grounds of the resort. Saying goodbye, I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "There!" I said, "Just like Mexicans!"

"No," Carlos said, a sly smile on his face. "I'll show you how Mexicans say goodbye." He leaned in, and...

Sorry. This is not a YA novel. He leaned in and I leaned away, stammering that I had a boyfriend. (Please see: EVERYONE KNEW.) But wouldn't it have been a better story if I'd had a sweet summer fling with the cutie-pie tennis instructor?

The worst part of the story is, when I got home and told my boyfriend about it, his response? "You should have let him kiss you."

Yeah, that relationship didn't last much longer.

Girls, if the boy you like seems rather ambivalent about you, it's not your fault and you're not doing anything wrong. It's time to move on. Be by yourself, or find someone who likes you as much as you deserve to be liked. Regardless of whether you are single or dating, surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.

 In retrospect, I really should have let him kiss me, right?

Speaking of kissing, another friend we made at the resort had the most depressing first kiss story I've ever heard. She was eleven, and on a boat, and...drunk. GIRLS: PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU HOW MANY PARTS OF THAT ARE WRONG.

(The boat part is okay, fyi.)

Actually, I'm glad I have a picture of the girl we fondly referred to as the Psycho Dutch Girl:

 The Psycho part has nothing to do with the Dutch part. I love the Dutch! The Psycho part has to do with her hiding in the bushes, spying on us.

She actually contributed a crucial element to Evie, the heroine of the Paranormalcy series. PDG was fascinated by American culture, but most of what she knew of it came from television shows and movies. And guess what she was totally fixated on? Yup: LOCKERS!

Thank you, Psycho Dutch Girl!

Anyway, after breaking up with EVERYONE KNEW, and not kissing Carlos, I went on a few fun dates. This was from a dance with a very nice boy:

 Spoiler: I didn't kiss him, either. But I would have, if he'd called me.

(Girls: if you like a boy, it's okay to call him! I asked my husband out on our first date. Best decision I ever made.)

And finally, to cap off a more-miserable-than-not high school experience, I went to prom with my new boyfriend.

 This wasn't him. 

My family was a little excited when we broke up, so they went ahead and got rid of all of his pictures. But I remember kind of wishing at the time I was with this boy instead, anyway. My boyfriend was a very smart, talented, handsome boy, but the biggest thing we had in common was that we both liked boys. It's kind of a hard obstacle to overcome in a relationship.

On so many occasions I wished I wasn't in that relationship. I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy, but for some reason I kept going. Girls, please don't ever feel like you have to stay in a relationship when you find yourself driving in a car, staring out at the night, wishing you were anywhere but there. Decide to go ahead and be somewhere else. If a relationship isn't working, it might be scary to think about being alone. You might be unhappy alone. But...if you already KNOW you are unhappy, what's the loss?

In the end, what I wish I'd accepted more as a teen was this:

It's okay to be alone sometimes.

Find friends who love you and make you happy. Make your parents get you a dog. Develop your interests and don't be afraid to enjoy things. And if you do like a boy? AWESOME. So much fun! And if it stops working, or it never starts working, or it works for a long time and then suddenly doesn't, or you don't even like boys, that's okay, too, because you know what you still have, no matter what?

You.

And you? Are awesome. (EVERYONE KNOWS.)

Sedition In the Ranks

MIND GAMES: Oh, hey! You're finally here! Welcome!

CHAOS: Thank you so much! I'm so happy to be joining the gang. Everyone has been so welcoming and friendly, even though I'm still just an ARC!

MIND GAMES: Of course! We're just happy to have you. I'm just happy to have you. Because now that you're here, we can finally overthrow the Paranormalcy series for complete bookshelf domination!

CHAOS: Yeah, absolutely, I...wait, what??
MIND GAMES: That series has had the run of this place for too long! Now, with our forces combined, we can claim the coveted Pink Corner!
CHAOS: I really don't understand.
MIND GAMES: Look:

CHAOS: Oh. Wow. That is a lot of Paranormalcy trilogy goodness, isn't it?
MIND GAMES: I haven't been able to compete all by my lonesome so far, but now that we can fight together...
CHAOS: Whoa whoa whoa. I don't want to fight anybody! And have you seen ENDLESSLY? She out-words you by like 32,000! She could snap your spine in half.
MIND GAMES: Psh. Have you read me? I am INTENSE. None of that namby-pamby pink nonsense!
CHAOS: Umm, actually, weirdly enough (given that I am a book), I have read you. And I've also read the entire Paranormalcy series. I don't think you're as different as you think you are.
MIND GAMES:

CHAOS: Stop staring at me like that. I'm serious. Let's examine. Paranormalcy trilogy features a strong, smart, snarky heroine. And you...
MIND GAMES: I...also feature that. BUT I HAVE TWO!
CHAOS: Good for you, sweetie! The Paranormalcy trilogy plays with pop culture concepts of long-standing stories. So do you! What Paranormalcy does with supernatural creatures, you do with supernatural psychic powers and femme fatales. Both of you turn them on their heads and suck the romanticism right out in all your snarky wonder. Incidentally I also star a strong, smart, snarky heroine, and I play with mythology in the same way.
MIND GAMES: I guess that's true.
CHAOS: Both of you feature girls trapped by circumstance, who must outsmart groups that want to use them for their unique abilities. And both of you feature more than one delicious boy.
MIND GAMES: I'll admit I am Team Reth.
CHAOS: That surprises exactly no one. Also, both of you feature Kiersten's trademark sly, dark humor.
MIND GAMES: I guess the Paranormalcy series isn't quite as light as the prom dresses might indicate. Kiersten just cloaks her disturbed brain in bright colors.
CHAOS: Yeah, she's pretty whacked.
MIND GAMES: I love that about her.
CHAOS: We all do. Anyway, what I am saying is this: if people love the Paranormalcy series, they really ought to read you, too. You've got a lot of differences, but all of Kiersten's trademark style is firmly in place. So there's no competition, MG. You and Paranormalcy should be best friends.
MIND GAMES: You make a lot of good points. And I think you're probably right. But...I really want that corner! And look! I found backup! Behold: It's me, with a British accent!

SISTER ASSASSIN: And an even more deadly title! Who are we taking out?
CHAOS: Okay, that's lovely, pip pip cheerio and whatnot, but before you two decide to take the library by storm, perhaps you should look beneath us.

MIND GAMES: Are those all...
CHAOS: I think German Evie alone could destroy you.
MIND GAMES: Peaceful co-existence it is!

UNTITLED TOM CRUISE SCREENPLAY

Some of you know that, in the past, I've dabbled in screenwriting. Both for television with my groundbreaking TEEN! DRAMA! series and bonus episodes of popular television shows, as well as adaptations of popular movies.

It's with the utmost pride and excitement that I let you in on my next project: I'm writing a screenplay for the new Tom Cruise property*!

Here's a sneak peek, for those of you who just can't wait.

Int. shot: Extreme close-up of Tom's face, starting at his eyes, which manage to look intense and utterly baffled at the same time. He is either seriously injured or has lost his memory, or is seriously injured in such a way that he has lost his memory, or is trying to list the 50 United States in alphabetical order, which is really difficult. Regardless, the intensity of his gaze is impossible to look away from. Also, it's trademarked.

WOMAN'S VOICE:

Jack... Jack...

Tom's eyes blink into focus in all their focused focal intensity (TM), because he knows, just like we do, that 90% of his characters are named Jack, and Jack means business. Tom-as-Jack sits up, manly brow furrowed, shirt conveniently gone. Probably he also has some sort of cut on his face or torso, and some artfully smeared dirt or grease on his cheek or forehead, depending on whether we are doing Trendy Long Hair Pretend I'm Still in My Thirties Tom or I Mean Business No Matter How Old I Get Short Hair Tom. His wrists are tied behind his back, because that ALWAYS works...

TOM-AS-JACK:

You can do whatever you want to me, but know this: if you've hurt my [wife/girlfriend/daughter/world/pretty much anything incapable of defending itself without Tom-As-Jack's intense self-assurance and even more intense gaze (TM)], I will kill you.

ROBERT DOWNEY JUNIOR SAUNTERING BY IN A RANDOM CAMEO:

You know, some of us also play the same character in every movie, but we have swagger AND humorous charm so no one minds.

TOM-AS-JACK:

GET OUT OF MY MOVIE, RDJ, YOU ARE CRAMPING MY STYLE.

(Extensive flashback, where Tom-As-Jack has an ideal life with a beautiful [wife/girlfriend/daughter/world/etc]. Tom-As-Jack is given some sort of quirk meant to make him seem relatable and endearing, such as talking at length about traffic, or loving baseball, or otherwise being exceptionally normal save his VERY INTENSE GAZE (TM). But Tom-As-Jack is a man with skills, and no man with skills can go long without attracting the ire of some sort of Bad Guy. Sequence of events in which Tom-As-Jack appears to be losing control of the situation, but deftly takes matters into his own hands, nearly saving the day until Bad Guy kidnaps his [wife/girlfriend/daughter/world/etc]. Now it is time for ANGRY TOM-AS-JACK!)

Int. shot: Tom-As-Jack runs down a hall/through a spaceship/across a bridge as things explode around him and debris fills the air in super-sharp, slow-motion intensity. But not as intense as the expression on Tom-As-Jack's Face (TM), because when things start exploding, he is at his absolute best. However, since the director understands that Tom's PR has been suffering the last few years, he goes ahead and makes Tom-As-Jack miss a step to be thrown over the side of the bridge/against the wall/through the hull of the spaceship, so that audiences can feel smugly satisfied that Tom is getting beat up. Tom-As-Jack loses consciousness as the Bad Guy leans over and smiles maliciously.

Back to first shot, close up of Tom-As-Jack's face, all the more impactful now that we know exactly what he has lost, which is everything, as usual, but no worries guys, he's TOM CRUISE (TM).

BAD GUY:

I'm going to smile while menacing you, and you are going to promise to kill me again, and I'm going to taunt you for your powerless state but rather than kill you I am going to leave you tied up in a room with decidedly incompetent underlings who are all armed with guns that you will easily strip them of while I go engineer the end of your [wife/girlfriend/daughter/world/etc] with this countdown device of plot convenience.

TOM-AS-JACK:

[glowers] [also has his eyebrows insured for $2,000,000 against the loss of intensity]

Action sequence as Incompetent Underlings attempt to kill Tom-As-Jack but he gets out of his bonds and quickly dispatches them, now armed to the better-late-than-never-orthodontically-straightened teeth.

(Several scenes of Tom-As-Jack running, jumping over various obstacles, and failing to be blown up this time, because he has already done the flashbacks and we need to get a move on.)

Int. shot: Random room filled with random countdown device of plot convenience, as well as loads of very breakable furniture for Tom-As-Jack to be thrown against and through in his fight with Bad Guy. Bad Guy looms over Tom-As-Jack, gloating as he is about to shoot him.

BAD GUY:

You're about to die. Why are you smiling?

TOM-AS-JACK:
Because unlike you, I've seen my movies. I know something you don't.

BAD GUY:

What is that?

TOM-AS-JACK:

I never lose when my name is Jack.

Tom-As-Jack suddenly remembers he can fight better than Bad Guy and dispatches the shocked baddie in a tastefully efficient, gruesome manner. He then frees his grateful [wife/girlfriend/daughter/world/etc], disables the countdown device of plot convenience, and, with a very manly limp, they walk home together.

ROBERT DOWNEY JUNIOR SAUNTERING BY IN A RANDOM CAMEO:

Looks like someone needs some serious downtime. My friend Oprah has a nice, comfy--

TOM-AS-JACK:

If you so much as think the word couch, RDJ, I will kill you, Iron Man or not.

THE END

*In a disclaimer the necessity of which breaks my sarcastic little heart, I feel the need to clarify that no, I am not writing screenplays. But I am thinking of insuring my eyebrows against damage that would render them incapable of communicating sarcasm.

Writing Conference! Plus Appearance Updates

There are still a few spots left in the Teen Author Boot Camp this Saturday. I'll be teaching a class on plotting, as well as participating in a panel. I'll also be taking notes on Shannon Hale's keynote, because: SHANNON HALE.

My schedule is crazy right now, but this is the only event I would have said yes to. (And, umm, obviously I did.) I love that it's geared entirely toward teens--adults are not allowed to sign up!

So, if you love writing, if you love reading and think you might love writing, if you want to be a writer, if you already ARE a writer and want to get better, this is the conference for you!

Also, lest you geographically challenged people (or, gasp, adults) feel left out, they are doing a great thing this year where you can pay a very small fee and watch livestream broadcasts of the various classes! You can see JUST HOW FAST I TALK IN REAL LIFE.

Spoiler: Very. Very very.

And for those of you who are neither teens who can get to UVU in Provo on Saturday or teens or adults who can/want to watch the livestream, here, have a picture:

Well, I didn't say it was going to be a PLEASANT photo.

And then go check out the Appearances tab to see various updates.

Or don't. Really, I can't force you to. But I can post more horrible pictures. Or put a terrible song in your head by typing the lyrics before you realize what is happening and can click away. So don't think I'm without power here...

Just kidding. I would never do that to you.

(I totally would.)

Come! See! Me!

Just wanted to remind you of my upcoming tour dates and locations! I'd love to see you. I'll be traveling with Claudia Gray, Debra Driza, Dan Wells, and Lauren Oliver. Bonus Brodi Ashton at the Provo event, too!

Wednesday, March 6, 7 PM: Provo Library in Provo, Utah.

Thursday, March 7, 6:30 PM: University Books, U District Location. Seattle, Washington.

Friday, March 8, 6:30 PM: Barnes and Noble, Clackamas, Oregon.

Saturday, March 9, 10 AM: Tualatin Library, Tualatin, Oregon.

Saturday, March 9, 4 PM: Eugene Library, Eugene, Oregon.

I'm super excited! I already love Utah and Seattle, and I can't wait to visit Oregon for the first time! For more info (addresses, event phone numbers, etc), please visit the Facebook Page, where you can also RSVP.

As always, I will have bookmarks you can only get at events, as well as completely weather-inappropriate flip-flops and very odd jokes. Also as always, I am happy to sign all of my books, notebooks, eReader cases, Stephanie Perkins books, and non-creepy body parts!

Aww, look! They're bonding. And they totally want to hang out with you, too!

Hot Stuff Writes

I'm going to be incredibly, sappily honest: though I've got a pretty great imagination, I cannot imagine a happier life than the one I have with my husband. I often joke I was the smartest eighteen year old alive for picking him out, but I'm not really kidding. He's amazing. And today he's written a blog post! With no further ado, the man who would never, ever call himself Hot Stuff, so I am forced to do it for him. He's asked himself a bunch of questions to give you insight into the writer spouse's life.

Q: What’s it like living with an author?

A: Pretty normal actually, except she works crazy hours. When she is drafting/editing she works from 10 a.m. to 2 a.m. I swear I’m not exaggerating. Granted, it’s hard for me to verify because I am usually out cold by 9:30 p.m. every evening.

Q: How come you’re not an author?

A: Because I don’t revise anything I write. I actually wrote some drafts a few years ago, but for me, that’s where the journey ended.

*Kiersten's note: Hot Stuff writes absurd humor absurdly well, and would make a phenomenal middle grade author.

Q: What’s wrong, are you lazy or something?

A: Probably a little. The truth is, I don’t have a ton of energy once I get home from work. And it takes me so long to write a draft that by the time I’m done I never want to see it again.

Q: At what stage do you get to read Kiersten’s books?

A: Usually after she does one full edit of a draft. She never lets me read a first draft. Most of her books I’ve read at several stages.

Q: Which of Kiersten’s books is your favorite?

A: Ack! That’s a tough question. The correct answer is all of them, but I’ll try to narrow that down a bit. My favorite in the Paranormalcy series is Supernaturally, but my favorite of her books overall is Mind Games. I love the frenetic energy that book has, as well as the impossible choices the characters are forced to make.

Q: What about The Chaos of Stars?

A: The last draft I read of that book was way back when Chaos of Stars was meant to be the opening part of a series. I haven’t yet read the final one-book version to see how Kiersten ended the story. Therefore, I will have to read it again before comparing it to Mind Games and the Paranormalcy series.

Q: Do you have any input on her books?

A: No, thank goodness. If I had any say, all of her main characters would have had tragic endings (not saying they don’t, but I am more melodramatic than Kiersten—think male version of Anne Shirley, sans the red hair).

Q: Who is your favorite character from Kiersten’s books?

A: I can’t say. She has a character in an upcoming book who is the coolest character ever. I can’t say more because I would be giving too much away. However, among her characters in her published books, I’d have to say Fia from Mind Games.

Q: Why Fia?

A: Because she could beat everyone else to a pulp. Evie is fun also, but Fia scares me, and I like that.

Q: Do you buy your wife’s books?

A: Of course! It’s the coolest thing ever to walk into a store and see copies of a book someone you know and love wrote. It’s more fun to buy them. I have copies in my office at work and I give some to close friends.

Q: Any advice for spouses/domestic partners/lovers/non-dangerous stalkers of writers?

A: I probably don’t have anything too useful to add here, since every individual is so unique. The writing process, from my point of view, is like a roller coaster with five thousand miles of slow flat track with a few dips and hills scattered throughout. Months go by where nothing exciting happens, and then all of a sudden everything is crazy. You need to be patient. You need to be understanding. Most of all, you need to be loving no matter what happens. I’m not sure how good I am at any of those things, but I try to have some sort of positive impact.

Apart from that, have fun! The writing community, both on and offline, is awesome. Being a part of it in any capacity is worthwhile. And the best thing about it is, since your spouse/domestic partner/lover/stalkee is the author, you don’t have to do the work! 

I love him. The end.

MIND GAMES Preorder Contest Winners!

I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to preorder and enter the contest! Thank you SO MUCH for your continued support. It makes me happier than you can know!

So, with no further ado, here are the winners of the hardcover Paranormalcy trilogy, courtesy of HarperTeen!

Sarah Mercier
Angela Hargrow
Cheyanne Young

And here are the winners of the signed hardcover Paranormalcy trilogy!

Paula Heuschkel
Kristin Jones

But...bonus! HarperTeen sent me all of the books directly, so they will ALL be signed! I'll email the winners to find out their personalization preferences.

And finally, our grand prize winner of the iPod Shuffle, iTunes gift card, signed Kiersten White library, and handwritten, unreleased MIND GAMES playlist is...

Brandee Crisp!

Thank you again, all, so very very much. There is a lot of signing of bookmarks and writing of addresses in my future, and I will do it all with a happy, grateful heart.

MIND GAMES Is Here!

Happy, happy me. I hope you enjoy it! If you can't make a signing, you can call Mysterious Galaxy (858-268-4747) tomorrow and order a signed, personalized copy. I'll sign it, they'll ship!

Contest winners announced on Wednesday. In the meantime, please know how much I appreciate your support. My readers = the best readers EVER.

XOXO,

Kiersten