"This emergency meeting of U.N.I.C.O.R.N.S. is called to order. Unicorns Neighing In Cooperation Opposing Ridiculously Nitwitted Slander recognizes the President of the organization, Moonlight Majesty."
"Ahem. Thank you. I'm very pleased to see such a large turnout. The plush unicorns are excused, on account of being irreplaceable on Tiny Adorable Daughter's bed. I think you all know why we are here. The slander slung in our direction, against our holy and prestigious generations of magic, by one Kiersten White is no longer tolerable. She has a new book coming out in a mere month that--I have on good authority--has a scene with unicorns so repulsive and erroneous that we can no longer look the other way."
"Wait, the rest of you can look another way? Because my head doesn't turn."
"It's a figure of speech, Flora Glory. But look at us! We are not the dumpy, malodorous creatures Ms White throws in for comic effect. Why, even Lavender Dreams, in all her cheap plastic styling, is far more attractive than anything that horrible author describes in her ridiculous books."
"Thank you! Umm. I think."
"You're welcome. Now, I see we have some new recruits to our ranks today. Though I must admit their manner of style and dress does not carry the same level of magical wonder we unicorns aspire to."
"You wanna start something, Sparkles?"
"Because last time we checked, we're the only ones with wings!"
"Psh. You are nothing but stylized approximations of traditional splendor!"
"YOU WANNA GO, LEGS? LET'S GO! RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW."
"Stop! This is madness! You see what that author has brought us to? Squabbling and infighting, distracting us so she can continue her smear campaign against the entire breed, winged or otherwise. We must unite! ALL OF US, TOGETHER. SHE CANNOT WITHSTAND SO MUCH HORNED EQUINE FURY!"
"We are majestic! We are magical! WE ARE U.N.I.C.O.R.N.S.!"
"Oh, hi guys! Is this the meeting for unicorns?"
"NO PONIES ALLOWED. I specifically told you guys not to tell the My Little Ponies! As if Punk Rock over there wasn't bad enough, now I have to deal with these cartoon monstrosities? You are to the long and proud history of unicorns what Edward is to vampires--nothing but empty sparkles!"
"Ahem. What do you have against Edward?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all! Love him, and his creepy little baby! So glad the Ponies could make it with their tall, tall, tall friend. Excellent. Let's talk strategy!"
"Pardon me, I don't mean to be rude, but we reserved this space."
"And who are you?"
"S.A.D. Supernatural Animals Depressed. We're a support group for those of us not cool or funny enough to make it into this really great series of books. Maybe you've heard of them. The last one, ENDLESSLY, comes out soon, so we're all feeling quite blue."
"Oh, for the love. Bleep. Forget it. Let's go watch Twilight."