I've been going through some of my old writing things to use for a keynote speech I'm giving this Saturday at the Teen Author Boot Camp. (Somewhere the organizers see this post and start panicking that I haven't finished my speech yet. I would reassure them, but, well...maybe they should invest in chocolate and comfort foods.)
In high school I was too scared to commit to writing longer fiction, so instead I plumbed the deep depths of my serious deepness and wrote deep poetry with much depth.
It was deep.
I bought a journal just for my poetry. When I bought it, I laughed and told everyone that it was ironic.
It was a lie. I bought it because it was sparkly. The same reason I would have bought Edward Cullen if he were for sale at the Disney Store. I LIKE SPARKLY THINGS. It's the only trait Bella and I have in common.
Of course, not content to merely scribble poems, I gave it a title. Do you want to see the title? Of course you don't. I'm going to show you anyway.
My favorite part? "Vol I"
Umm, Kiersten? You didn't even fill up half of this book, your egregious use of line breaks notwithstanding.
To be fair, some of the poems are decent. Sure, I loved random line breaks, and isolating single words in a completely nonsensical fashion, but there's some good imagery buried in all of that hot pink self-indulgent whining.
Also, there are a whole lot of breakup poems.
Snort. As far as I know, he and his brother are no longer dating.
Maybe Me, Myself, and I need counseling. Just sayin'.
I also wrote a lot of poems about writing poems. I was so meta! And I didn't even know what meta meant!
Well, she needed someone to tell her that line breaks do not make a poem deep.
Also she needed to get rid of her bangs.
Now, it's easy to read these and laugh. I took myself WAY too seriously, and spent way too much time worrying about whether or not I was smarter than everyone else around me. (I wasn't.) I also spent way too much time worrying about whether or not the boys in my life liked me as much as I liked them. (They didn't. Which was a good thing.)
But it's also important to read these and remember how it felt to be me back then. Remember that I've always taken things too seriously, and that finding a sense of humor about my life is a very, very good thing. Remember how lonely just being was back then, which makes me even more grateful for where I am now with an amazing husband, two delightful kids, and truly good friends. Remember that I've always needed words as an outlet, even before I was ready to commit myself to them for longer than a handful of lines
with way too many
And it's also important to remember that teen me gave herself permission to feel everything, and to express what she was feeling. Even if she sometimes did it in third person. Adult me needs that reminder every now and again.
But I give adult me permission not to use a hot pink pen, because honestly.