Friday, March 18, 2011

The Adventures of High School Kiersten

First, a bit of background demographic information so you can put my high school experience into perspective.  While I went to a public school, it was rather homogenous.  96% of the students belonged to a specific Christian religion (and, given that I went to high school in Utah County, Utah, you can probably guess which religion that was).  We had released time during school to walk just off of school property and attend seminary (essentially a bible study class), and the state had worked it out so that you could have one free period per semester and still graduate.  (Which meant that those students who didn't take seminary would hit their senior year and essentially be able to take every-other-day off if they wanted to and still graduate.)  (This is a lot of parentheticals, even for me.)

So, it was a fairly conservative and religious group of kids.  And, like any group, there was a wide range of practice regarding those religious principles, but it wasn't too unusual in my school for a student to be sixteen or seventeen and have never kissed anyone or had a serious relationship.  (Which certainly isn't to say there weren't kids who had serious boyfriends or girlfriends, just that not dating much wouldn't single you out as weird.)

Man, when is this story going to start??

Ahem.

So, seventeen-year-old Kiersten (who had, in fact, kissed someone by this time) had AP Psychology.  It was a great class, one of her favorites, with a dynamic and interesting teacher.  Plus she always looked forward to it because there was a Very Cute Boy, one that regularly flirted with her but that, like all other Very Cute Boys, never actually asked her out in spite of her well-honed flirting skills.

(Alas, Kiersten-that-was.  You were too scary, no matter how adept your flirting.  Don't worry though, it all works out in the end and you get the best boy of all who is never scared of you except when you hide in the dark nooks of your house and jump out screaming at him when he gets home from work.  By the way, that isn't very nice of you, even if it is really funny.)

One day in AP Psychology the teacher was talking about sensory perception or some other such thing that Kiersten memorized and aced on the test because she had so much time to study because no one ever asked her out.

"The lips and the tongue have more nerve endings than almost anywhere else on your body," the teacher said, "making them especially sensitive to touch."

"Oh, that's why!" Kiersten said, not realizing until far too late that she had a) said it out loud and b) said it loudly out loud.  Everyone in the entire class turned toward her, and her face burned bright red over her pale Utahan skin as she slouched down into her desk and tried to disappear.  "Umm, you know, I just always wondered...about...why kissing feels as good as it does."

And still the Very Cute Boy never asked her out.

I can assure you that when the sexual response cycle was discussed, Kiersten was as silent as the grave.

46 comments:

aLmYbNeNr said...

Oh my goodness, Kiersten! That is such a great story! I needed that!

Ara Grigorian said...

That story left a permanent smile on my face. You're too darn-patutin talented of a writer to just write blogs. Have you considered a career in writing novels? ;D

Julia King said...

Don't worry. I hardly dated while at the same religiously specific school, too. No guys asked me out. What do you know? No guys ask me out now. They just don't know what they're missing. Ha.
Great story. Sounds like something I totally would do. It seems like Freudian slips come out of me more frequently then they should and I tend to not think about things before I say them. It's my curse.

Kiersten White said...

Ara--Who does that?

Jason said...

That's hilarious - did your teacher look at you in shock? :)

Jordan said...

Ha. Thank you for making my Friday. Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes to hide in dark corners and jump out at people. It is funny, except when you trip on the way out and end up the one being laughed at.

Kiersten White said...

I think she laughed.

Writing Jules said...

Ahahaha! I'm sitting in a room with my 10th grade students right now and had the hardest time not laughing out loud. I'm now going to sit and stare at them and look for the funny things they do as they flirt. :D

Nisa said...

lol! Don't feel bad. I know someone who kissed a guy and then got sick the next day. She wondered if she was pregnant... We all have moments like that, don't we? They make great stories later on in life. :)

Sherry said...

Cute post. :-)

Debbie Barr said...

Hey, I remember thinking that, too! I just didn't say it. ;)

Oh, the things we do in high school that we are sure will ruin our lives forever...

Sharla Scroggs said...

Love it! Too cute! Needed that laugh and imagery today!!

Anthony said...

He he he!

heidikins said...

Bwaahahahahahahahahaha.

Awesome.

xox

Sheepa said...

Hahahahah!!!! You're brilliant! :D

Kiersten White said...

Do you remember that one, Heidi? Or has "WHITE MALE, YOU HAVE NO PERSPECTIVE!" taken over any other outbursts of mine...

Denisse said...

I love reading what you write! That's was really cute, it made me smile. I needed that.

Kate said...

I need to remember, never drink and read Kiersten's blog at the same time. I totally just spit water all over my desk when I started laughing out loud.

You are to much.

Kiersten White said...

Kate--I actually get a bonus from computer sales reps for every keyboard I cause to be ruined.

Nicole Zoltack said...

What a great story!

At least you were younger than me when you were first kissed. I was 18.

Kayeleen Hamblin said...

I had a similar experience, but hadn't experienced kissing yet. Gotta love Utah high schools.

Myrna Foster said...

You ought to get a bonus. I've learned not to eat or drink while reading certain blogs. Yours is one. Steph's is another. Carrie Harris is also quite deadly.

Nancy Holder said...

I took my daughter to a Girl Scout-sponsored chat about the matters of womanhood and the leader made sure she had our permission to go past That Time of the MOnth to S-E-X. She framed it in the context of a committed relationship or pref. marriage, went on and on about how normal it is, how it's okay to be curious, to ask questions. She demonstrated birth control 101 on a banana, etc. The girls laughed and she smiled indulgently because after all, this is all so normal, so part of being a human being, yada

Then she asked for questions and my daughter raised her hand and said, "What does it feel like?"

The leader turned a brilliant shade of crimson. BRILLIANT. And fumbled around and half-shouted, "You'll have to ask your mother about THAT!"

So much for normal...

And a comment for Kiersten: Nothing about chocolate is normal. Is it wonderful.

Elana Johnson said...

Ha! Great story.

Katie Mills said...

lol. Reminds me when I had to give a presentation in front of the class on Prohibition. At the end, one of the students asked me if I was for the 'wet' or 'dry' sentiment. And without thinking I just blurted out 'Oh, I'm defintely wet'. One second, two seconds, three seconds.. the first snickers began..you get the picture.

Megan said...

Ahahahaha. xD I'll go ahead and admit, I'm that same rather conservative religion, and I haven't kissed anyone yet- but I'm definitely looking forward to being able to go on dates a little later this year. ;D
But I was seriously trying to keep from bursting out laughing as I read it.

kathrynleighaz said...

Man, you're lucky. When I was 17, I'd had my first kiss, but nothing about it would have made me wonder why kissing feels so good... because it didn't feel very good. It felt pretty wet. I felt like someone else's tongue in my mouth. which is what it was, but I'd always thought it felt different than what it was. Maybe I was weird and just didn't get it, but way to go with the already knowing that kissing felt good. :)

Caroline Starr Rose said...

This reminds me of my fifth-grade band epiphany where I realized Bare Necessities wasn't spelled bear, like you know, the animal. I shouted out, "Bare! Like naked!" in the middle of class.

My band teacher, who wasn't too fond of the way I often forgot to bring my flute to school, wasn't impressed.

Tracey Neithercott said...

And you still didn't get a date? Man, those Utah boys are hard to please.

Such a great story.

Daisy Whitney said...

That is a great story!

Magan said...

So...I didn't get it right away. But then I got it. You probably shouldn't be too embarassed since I promise I wouldn't have laughed at you unless I was just following what everyone else did.

Melissa Down Under said...

Absolute classic story!
I always wondered what it would have been like to attend seminary during school hours.
I had early morning seminary, starting at 6.30am, brutal! This experience was magnifyied by the fact that my high school was an hour long bus trip away, so would have to be up and ready to leave for school before attending seminary. Due to vanity this meant getting up at 5am.

Fiktshun said...

What a great story!

Not sure what is up with those Utah boys if they just couldn't get the hint from your comment.

Although, maybe this look back will make you grateful for hubby and not scare him quite as often :)

Anita Saxena said...

Cute story :)

Valerie Kemp said...

This made me laugh out loud! Too funny!

Kristi said...

Sooo cute! I think high school Kiersten was kind of rad. And hilarious! ;)

(Wow, seems your story stirred up all kinds of past thoughts in my head...can't remember the last time I used "rad" in a sentence!)

Eli said...

Haha, that was TOO cute!! I love the way you wrote it! Had me laughing more then once! xD

GreenBeanTeenQueen said...

HAHAHA!! I love it!! Is this going to make it's way into a book? Because I totally think it needs to!:)

erica and christy said...

So, I'm from Wisconsin and I have to say most of my friends didn't kiss a boy until we were 16, either. (and, um, I'm not sure I've met someone of the Utah-persuasion yet, btw, and I'm 35).

Okay, my version doesn't make a very fun story...glad it all worked out for you!!!
erica

Willow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Athena said...

Oh, that is totally embarrassing! I bet you had a good time laughing about it later, though! :D

Janean said...

my fav is the teacher who read this during class and is now going watch her students flirt and embarrass themselves... lol

Twilight-Forever said...

That would happen during high school!

Farmer*swife a/k/a Glass_Half_Full said...

Thanks for the giggle!

Alyssa Udall said...

This is hilarious! I wasn't kissed until I was 18 years old, the night before I left for college. And no, I did not go to school in Utah County, but I've lived there now for four years, so maybe it was meant to be?

The Seminary thing during school absolutely blows my mind. My husband went to school here and I always tease him about those weird things.

Anna Elizabeth said...

Gotta love Lone Peak.

I probably would have been the kind of person to say something like that too...