Dear Skinny Jeans,
I know you're my first pair and all, but so far you neither make me look nor feel skinny. I'm feeling a bit let down. And please let's remember just how many lawyers I have in my immediate family; don't make me sue you for false advertising.
Skinny Isn't In My Jeans-ly Yours,
Kiersten
Dear Dr Pepper,
Please see above memo. I know we've had a lot of good times together, and really, we've had a great run. But all relationships must either take it to the next level of commitment or end, and I feel like we've peaked as a couple, much as that number appearing when I step on the scale has peaked. No hard feelings, my sweet, bubbly, caffeine-and-calorie laden friend.
Prone to Relapsingly Yours,
Kiersten
Dear Cat Outside My House,
Shut up.
No, seriously. SHUT UP.
Animal Lovingly Yours,
Kiersten
Dear Hot Stuff,
You are not allowed to unload the dishwasher anymore until you buy me a stool so I can get down the things you put on any shelf higher than the bottom one. Or until you figure out a way for me to grow seven or eight inches. Up to you.
Also, you look very handsome today. And the dishwasher unloading prohibition definitely does not apply to doing loads of laundry, so feel free to keep that up.
It's Your Fault for Marrying Such a Short Girlingly Yours,
Kiersten
Dear Third Paranormalcy Book,
Look. We've been doing great. 30,000 words in under two weeks! That's amazing! I'm so proud of us! But you know that your beginning is awesome. And we both know how great the ending is going to be. So can you please just give me a few hints as to what on earth we should do with the next 30,000 words to get there?
Exhaustedly, No, Seriously, EXHAUSTEDLY yours,
Kiersten
42 comments:
LOL, I just got my first pair of skinny jeans...or rather...jeggings (gasp). Actually with boots and lots of layers, they're pretty cute--try that!
This is my favorite set of Household Memos so far.
As a fairly short girl myself (5'1") I am convinced skinny jeans must be worn with tall, sleek boots and a slightly ruffly top that at least touches, if not fully covers, the butt. Then you actually do feel kind of skinny.
haha, what is UP with them putting the dishes up too high? My hubs and I have been married for 6 years, so the fact that I can't reach past the first shelf should be no surprise!! Yet somehow it always is...
I feel for you. I know what it's like to have the beginning and end but not the middle. Also, I'm short. 5'2". Short people, rejoice!
Ha! You're so cute. I wish I had the excuse of shortness, but not I. I can't wait to read ALL your books! I'm sure they will be great. I keep re-reading the first chapter of Parnormalcy on Amazon...that's not going to do it for me for long.
I'm going to echo what Penelope said about short girls and skinny jeans (hi, 5'2" here) and add that tucking them into cowboy boots also help. The added bulkiness at the bottom makes your thighs look skinnier, in my opinion.
Good luck with the middle. :)
Keep at it, Kiersten! This is me...cheering you on to finishing Number 3! And try jeggings. They're SO comfy.
Frankie--Sadly, I am a) morally opposed to wearing socks and b) have very short, muscular calves that do not fit in boots designed for normal sized women.
(Translation: WHINE WHINE WHINE I am short things don't fit right.)
Marisa--YES! Eight-and-a-half years, here. And he still puts things on the top shelf, too. Good thing he's hot.
As far as Jeggings, I might have maybe tried a pair on. And then made this awkward choking sound somewhere between laughing and sobbing. So not happening.
GASP! Are you really giving up on the Dr. Pepper? Maybe switching to Diet? I would maybe die without it's bubbly goodness...just saying.
This was cute. :) And just so know, skinny jeans don't look good on a seven mo. prego lady... so my husband tried ever so hard not to admit.
You have to listen to the seductive siren call of Dr. Pepper. I mean, he's a health care professional. Surely he has your best interests at heart.
I love your memos. It makes me want to write some, most especially to Little Debbie. And my garage door opener. And maybe my hair. Things in my life need memos, because we are just getting along like we used to.
Sigh. And my typing fingers. 'are just NOT getting along like we used to.' Come on, fingers, the synapses tell you the right words, please don't get creative with them.
Being short I can relate to things up high. Love the memo's today
agree with you about skinny jeans & soda.
Bryan--HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Best comment ever.
If your hubby figures out a height serum, you must share! If I could stretch this weight over five more inches I'd be one hot mama! And skinny jeans would look awesome.
Ha! One of the best blog posts I've read all day. I love it because I'm in almost the EXACT same position with all those things as you. I've finally gotten okay with my skinny jeans, I've gone with diet dr. pepper, I'm not married but still pretty short, and I'm almost 10000 words into my first novel and having the same issue...anyway, best of luck with everything!
I cackled out loud at the "Dear Cat outside my house."
Lol, too funny. Skinny jeans were only made so we could wear our completely AWESOME knee high boots. Whoever said they were meant for making us skinny is WRONG! :)
Oh how funny!
It's all about the Diet Dr. P--it's not as tangy, nor does it have the kick, but it's doable. It's a chubby girl's (points to self, not to you) Dr. Pepper.
xox
Can I take your memo to the cat and give it to the cat outside my house? I was convinced someone was murdering a truckload of little children, but it was just this stupid cat who won't shut up.
I'm short too. Skinny jeans + short + high calories weaknesses (mine is chocolate) = *SOB*
You know, skinny can be so over-rated. Proportionate and healthily (?) thin? great. To me, skinny = stick-figure-awkwardness (especially in a swim suit...) Trust me. Most days you feel like you're all elbows and knees (and it's twice as bad being pregnant! Hello stick figure with a round tummy...!?!)
Wow. 30,000 in two weeks?? That's awesome, Kiersten! Good luck with the rest of the book.
LOL. And 30,000 in less than two weeks? Of course if my husband did the laundry and dishwashing I could probably get 3 or 4K in two weeks.
I seriously could have written the hot stuff letter! Hubby is 6'3", and he seems to forget that I, well, am NOT. Step stools are handy when you need them, but even better not to need them at all.
I'm sure the skinny jeans look great on you! Try wearing them with 4-inch heels. :) I've always thought skinny jeans make short girls look shorter. (Says the girl who is 5'10". Sorry!)
p.s. A good friend of mine is 4'10", which legally qualifies her as handicapped. So, you know, it could be worse.
Kiersten,
You're post is so cute and clever! Yes, cat please shut up.
Bloggingly yours,
Julia King
I hear you on the skinny jeans. They make me look and feel like a plucked chicken. No. Thank. You.
The way that I dealt with being too short for counters when I was younger is this little maneuver I like to call "Push-Up-usemiraculousarmstrength-Grab." It's very simple (for a 12 year old weighing 80 lbs). You slap your right hand down on the counter below the cupboard. Turn it to the left so your elbow is in the air. Then do the same with your other hand :) Use that miraculous arm strength (which has mysteriously disappeared over time) to straighten your elbows, leaving your feet hanging in the air. You then transfer your weight to your right/left hand and use the other hand to open the cupboard and grab a cup/bowl/plate/vase/whatever you have in your cabinet. This succeeded in helping me reach the second shelf :)
((I totally know the feeling of attempting to remove skinny jeans and needing to pry them away from your enormous calves))
Re: the height thing.
Have you tried standing on the dishwasher?
Or — the cat?
I think you're missing a key benefit to having Hot Stuff put things out of reach. When you want something, you can call out from your comfy spot on the couch, "Hot Stuff? Can you get me XYZ please? I can't reach it."
Eventually you will get so used to this method of getting things that he will get annoyed and totally call you on it and say, "Michelle, that's in the bottom drawer."
I mean, he'll say Kiersten. Because of course I don't do that.
Skinny jeans are the devil. Every time I wiggle into a pair I feel like a 15-year-old girl - until I look in a mirror. Then it becomes apparent that I'm pushing 30 and stealing teenager's jeans.
That could just be me, though. Not a trend I love!
Great post that could be MY house memos!
It's time for cats to go into heat regularly now, so unless the cat gets fixed or finds a new pimping block...sorry. :(
:) I've missed stopping by. You keep me smiling. Thanks. It's nice to be back in the blogging swing.
Michelle--Of COURSE not. That was all purely hypothetical.
I love all of these and I think that is might be on of my favorite blogs.
I really love your memos - you always make me laugh. Maybe you should try throwing your skinny jeans or that last can of Dr. Pepper at that loud obnoxious cat.
Shauna--I can see you are both practical and wise.
This may possibly be my absolute favorite (so far) posting of yours!
Also, the good Dr. and I have a very similar relationship, and now that I'm actively trying to be healthier....well, we still see each other from time to time, but do not have that daily tryst that we once shared.
Congrats on the half-way point, Kiersten! I have lots of ideas for Para book 3, but I don't know if they'd fit because I haven't read Supernaturally.. ( hint hint ). ;-)
I think my bottom was not designed for skinny jeans. "Slim-fit" jeans, on the other hand are fantastic - but it's hard to find the nice ones in "petite." (I do love my red jeggings and a tunicky top though.)
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