Monday, October 18, 2010

Emails and Feline Fans

Oh, hi!  I like you.  I missed you.  My husband does not like blogging, but we all like it when he blogs.  Still, it's nice to be back.

Some people have asked how my life has changed in the six or so weeks since Paranormalcy came out.  There are a lot of little things that have changed.  For instance, people never used to ask me to write stuff in the front of their books, no matter how often I offered.  Now, however, I always have a sharpie in my purse which makes me feel slightly dorky, until someone at random says, "Can you sign my book??" and I say, "Yes, yes I can and I even have a pen!"  And then I feel deliciously dorkily awesome.

Another thing that has changed is that I get a lot of email.  Like, a lot.  Most of it is pretty awesome, but sometimes I get stuff like this from 13-year-old Ellie that makes my heart explode with happiness: "i have onley read 4 books all the way through. cause im dislexic its harder. but for some strange reason it was so easy to read this and i loved it!"

And sometimes I get stuff like this, from who-knows-how-old-Bob, that makes me scratch my head: "I liked Paranormalcy and will look forward to the next book.  My cat liked it too."

Which, of course, led me to the following email exchange:

Subject: Paranormalcy?

Dear Kiki,
I know we've had our differences over the years.  Sure, the time you got up with me at 4 AM (when I had to go to my job unloading trucks) and you were slyly trying to drink out of the toilet and then you fell in?  I may have laughed more than was polite.  A lot more than was polite.  For days and days.  But still, you get your revenge every time my eyes water and my nose itches.  And I'm nice enough to you, right?  I warn you to run and hide when my kids are feeling particularly affectionate during our visits, and I set out nice boxes for you to play in.

But I'll admit I'm hurt.  At first I chalked up your failure to read my book to the fact that you are a cat.  "She's just a feline!  They don't read YA urban fantasy novels!"  Then I got an email from a fan who told me that HIS cat liked the book.  Which meant that other cats have no problem reading it.  Which means that, for whatever reason, you have simply chosen not to read it.

Which hurts.

A lot.

I happen to know there are more than twelve copies scattered around my parents' house.  The least you could have done is read a review and pretended like you read it.  Chloe, my pug, may she rest in peace, may have been wall-eyed and snored twenty-four-hours-a-day, but she would have read my book.


Subject: Re: Paranormalcy?

Dear Kiersten,
I didn't want to have to have this conversation.  First of all, typing without opposable thumbs, or even fingers, or even claws for that matter is no easy task, and this energy could be much better put to use finding new hiding spots for the next time your kids visit.  However, since you brought it up, I feel I must answer your criticism.

I did, in fact, read your book.  (And I disagree that Chloe would have.  But don't think I didn't notice her cameo as a gremlin and my utter lack of fictional representation.)  Although, as you say, we have had our differences, I, like the rest of the family, was proud of you for getting published and wanted to be a part of everything.  But I will admit I was disappointed--nay, horrified--with your writing and story, and so feigned feline ignorance so as to spare your feelings.  I believe the following picture conveys everything I want to say.

And the fact that never once did Evie swat at Lish and try to pull her out of the tank to see what she tasted like simply drove me crazy.  Utterly unrealistic character motivations.

Cattily yours,

Ah well.  Guess you can't please everyone.  Especially not when it comes to cats.


Kayla Olson said...


This post was made of awesome.

I, however, am made of dork, because at first I totally thought Kiki was the White House cat. As in, I thought her name was Kiki Obama.

Um. Yeah.

Anonymous said...


Caroline Starr Rose said...

Yay for Ellie!

Kiersten White said...

Caroline, emails like that are amazing. So is Ellie : )

Cinette said...

I knew I could count on you for a good laugh this morning!

Rachel Morgan said...

That is one of the most awesome cat pictures! I love it!

BookChic said...

Kayla- I thought the same thing and then I was reading the email and I was like "When was Kiersten in the White House and why is she helping their cat to find new hiding spots?" So don't worry, you're not alone.

But I absolutely loved this post. I may have to ask my cats if they've read my copy of Paranormalcy. I mean, I'm gone all day at work and it's been left out for them to read. I'll ask them when I get home from work today.

Eleven Eleven said...

I've been withholding choice words from my parents cat all these years. Who knew I could email him! The in-law's cat deserves even choice-ier words, but everyone agrees he has a screw loose, and trying to communicate with a crazy cat is, well, crazy.

Off to type choice words to an orange tabby who makes me sneeze and who is unfairly biased against my book for lack of feline characters.

Brandi G. said...

Very cute! Have you ever seen Lolapants posts over at the Rejectionist? Kiki and her could be best friends. :)

Leigh said...

I had a cat one that use to devour books, like I mean eat them! A lot of my older books have chunks taken out of them and most of the others have teeth marks. I can't unfortunately test out her preference for Paranormalcy as shes gone to the divine white cat cage in the sky. Perhaps she's up there with Lish discussing the Reth/Lend dynamic. LOL

Reags said...

Wow, all those time I went to your house I never realized how much personality your pets had. Except one time when I tried to pick up cloie and she had a seizure and I didn't come back to your house for a month out of freight your parents would kick me out. O yea and by the way my parents were going to name Bryan cloie but then didn't cause of your pet. I guess they didn't want the ward confusing them. (not like Bryan doesn't get mistaken as a boy all the time.)

lotusgirl said...

Young fans are the best.

Debbie Barr said...

Aww, that e-mail from Ellie made my heart happy.

Anita Saxena said...


Michelle said...

Welcome back, Kiersten!

Lindsey Bench said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindsey Bench said...

Oh, and I am so glad you took comment moderation off! Now I can say what I really want to say.

Lindsey Bench said...

Kiki, that bleeping cat. All weekend I would find her stuck up in some closet with Paranormalcy. Not to mention the leather boots she kept insisting on wearing. I honestly just think she has been bitter ever since I told her the boots make her looks like the cat on Shrek, not like some hot-paranormal butt-kicking-blonde.

I miss chloe. Seizures and punches in the face over who gets to sleep with her and all. I know, I know, you were PMSing.

Claire Dawn said...

Welcome back!