League of Professional Nappers333 Somnambulist Lane
Sleepy Hollow, NC 38276
Dear Ms White,
We have reviewed your lengthy and passionate appeal for a review of your membership revocation. And while it is true that in your early years you showed an all-consuming dedication to napping, indeed scheduling work and school around it during college and forgoing a social life for it during high school, your recent showings have fallen far beneath the mark.
We understand that every effort was made and that, while your kids were still in our Junior Nappers Club, you participated every chance you got. But your record over the last couple of years leaves much to be desired. Wanting to nap, craving naps, and, as you put it, "being so desperate for a nap I could cry (and sometimes do)," is not the same as napping. Were you truly dedicated like our Platinum Level Members (who manage to nap in spite of managing entire companies and, in some cases, countries), you would find a way. Those pathetic attempts you make on Saturday and Sunday simply do not cut it.
Being a member of the League of Professional Nappers is a privilege, and we take our requirements and commitments very seriously. As you have clearly not been lying down on the job, we remain by our original decision to hereby remove your name from our records and revoke any and all privileges and rights heretofore allowed. Feel free to keep napping recreationally, though, and best wishes.
Sally Slumbers, Membership Secretary