Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Joy Like Pain

He's vomiting again. It sometimes strikes me as laughable what a non-event vomit has become in my life. He starts gagging, I stand him in the tub, wait for it to be over, and clean up. Business as usual.

Tonight as he stands there, shivering and coughing, I'm distracted. Wondering what triggered it this time, wondering if this means my night is shot for writing, wondering if I can finally beat that idiot Dave's high score on Bejeweled Blitz. I grab the bowl and rinse down the bathtub, then fill it up for my son. "I'm going to wash off your tummy now."

He looks up at me with his teary, pale eyes and says in his trembling voice, "Thank you, Mama. Thank you so much."

And just like that my heart is broken. Why is it that these beautiful moments pierce straight through your heart and fill you with a joy like pain? Motherhood is the most terrible kind of love--it takes everything from you, wrings you dry, wears you out, and then fills you back up to bursting.

Sometimes it takes a little vomit to remind me to hold my life in awe.

37 comments:

mumfusa said...

woah. what an unexpected ending. a beautiful dagger straight to the heart. what a sweet son you have.

Lisa said...

Argh! I hate it when my kids are sick. I despise vomiting, but would gladly do it ay day if it meant my kids wouldn't have to. Hope your lil one feels better soon!

Caroline Starr Rose said...

Motherhood is the most terrible kind of love--it takes everything from you, wrings you dry, wears you out, and then fills you back up to bursting.

Thank you for putting words to my emotions.

Indigo said...

Breathtaking how you captured a moment and made it yours and mine and ours (all your readers). Beautiful heartrending. (Hugs)Indigo

Claire Dawn said...

Yeah, what's up with those Bejeweled Blitz high scores?

I love that last line. It should be a movie tagline or somethin!

Karma & Adam said...

This post brought tears to my eyes this a.m. Could be sleep deprivation (my toddler likes to be awake between the hrs of 1-4am), but most likely it's because you are so right. So very right. Hope the vomiting is over for now!

Elizabeth Poole said...

Oh my goodness! My heart broke a little! That was so beautiful and poignant!

Kristan said...

Wow, vomit has never been so beautiful/touching...

Seriously, I teared up.

He's a doll.

My 5 Monkeys(Julie) said...

so agree ..its those moments with the kids that make it all worthwhile..even when they toss.

Jessie Oliveros said...

That was beautiful. My thoughts exactly, only my brain didn't put it so well.

Falen said...

awwww! So cute!
Give him a kiss to help him feel better

Jennifer Ambrose said...

Wow. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing that. I don't have anything to add, really. Just, thank you.

Krista V. said...

Thank you for this post, Kiersten. Children, especially your own, are so precious. Hope your little guy is feeling better soon.

~Jamie said...

Okay, this was beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes we forget just how amazing they are just because we spend every waking moment with them, you know?

But, let's talk about the game... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT GUY DOING TO PWN SO MUCH FACE ON BEJEWELED!?!?!

I don't know if your Dave is the same guy on my list that kicks SO freakin' much butt, but holy crap how can they score SO high?!?

rissawrites said...

Wow, never thought a post on vomit would bring move me so much. Dang you are a good writer!

Poor little guy. It is the worse when they are sick and asking mommy to help them- and you can't.

Mine was a puker when he was little. If he cried, he gagged and puked. Turned out he had huge, we're talking HUGE tonsils. They took them out and it helped, big time.

Your family is blessed to have a mom that can turn puke into a loving reminder of the joy of motherhood.

Kayeleen Hamblin said...

I love your posts. They just express how I feel so perfectly, sometimes.

I hope he feels better soon. I can't think of anything worse to a mother's heart than a sick kid.

Valerie said...

Wow, you really are a great writer. You just managed to make vomit beautiful! What a great story, and a great little man you've got there!

Mama Bookworm said...

Who would think a blog post about vomit could be beautiful and even make my cry a little. Motherhood is truly an amazing thing. I hope your little guy is feeling better very soon.

Dara said...

Aww :( I hope he's better soon--hoping he's not having an allergic reaction to anything. My cousin's little boy was the same way and they found out he had a food allergy.

Tracy said...

You know you're talented when you can make vomit sound like poetry.

Mama White said...

Beautiful. Stay in the moment--it all passes too quickly.

L. T. Host said...

I've... I've got something in my eye. *Sniff.

What a darling, and what a poignant moment.

Marsha Sigman said...

I'm going to quit reading your blog at work. It is ruining me. I either laugh or cry and I don't need my co-workers to think I am even more insane than they already do.

I still remember when my son was three, we were sitting at a drive-thru and he reached up from behind and stroked my hair. I waited for a minute and then turned around to see what was up. He smiled the sweetest smile at me and whispered, "Momma, your hair so pretty."
If love could fill you up so much that your heart burst, I would have died then.

Aimee Bartis said...

someone told me yesterday that life was equal parts joy and pain. I disagree. It has to be more joy or how do you put up with the pain?
My boys are almost always sick and it wears on your soul. But when they thank you for caring for them - it replenishes everything. I try to soak up all the sweet moments before they get all attitudinal.

Candyland said...

I know the feeling. Beautiful post. They get us right where it counts.

JaneyV said...

That's a beautiful post Kiersten. I know that feeling exactly.

pinksuedeshoe said...

You made me cry. And I love it.

Katy said...

I saw your Tweet about your vomit post making people cry and had to check in... And I totally teared up reading! I could just hear your little guy's thank you. What a sweet and completely accurate portrayal of motherhood!

Katie said...

I really, really hate vomit, but this post is sweet. :) I know I always appreciated my momma cleaning me up after puking.

Tawna Fenske said...

I don't have kids, and I don't like vomit, but this post actually got me teary eyed. No joke. Thanks for sharing it.

Tawna

Kelly said...

What a little sweetheart.
I had the weakest stomach until I had children (and dogs). Now I feel like I'm the CEO of piss, poop, and puke! I can handle anything!
And lastly, you summed up motherhood perfectly: takes it out of you yet fills you back with so much more!

Kerrie said...

Thank you for the wonderful reminder about cherishing all the moments with our kids---they grow up way too fast (now I sound like my mom).

Lauri said...

Reading this brought tears to my eyes and pierced my own heart. Motherhood is amazing and wonderful and so damn painful its ridiculous.

Icy @ IndividualChic IsaByrne said...

Oh, I've so been there, just Monday night. And MissIcy coped so well with it all.

They're wonderful, aren't they?

Kayleigh said...

that was beautiful.

i could just imagine the look on his face, and i almost cried.

NotNessie said...

There are some crazy, unexpected motherhood moments that just completely take your breath away and make the whole thing worthwhile.

I mentioned this post in this week's Cream of the Crop.

Kim Walus said...

Sweet. Love this. Tears falling. Kids cover every emotion possible but love and joy are the most precious.