Monday, January 18, 2010

Television Series GENIUS

So, some of you know I've been toying with the idea of trying to develop a television series. Last night, thanks to my husband's genius, we finally came up with our sure-to-be-a-hit series. I give you:

LAW AND ORDER: MISDEMEANORS UNIT

Created by Hot Stuff and Kiersten White

EXT. CITY STREET
Two teens in hooded sweatshirts walk down the dark street, laughing and jostling each other. They come upon a man with his back to them, facing a wall.

KID ONE
Wait, is he--

KID TWO screams in horror and we cut to title.

INT. POLICE OFFICE

HARDENED POLICE CHIEF shakes her head.

HARDENED POLICE CHIEF
I don't know about this one, guys. We got the man, but can we prove it?

CHIPPER, WAY TOO GOOD LOOKING POLICE OFFICER
I'm sick of these creeps, destroying the city, making kids scared to walk down the sidewalk. Things like this--I can't even sleep at night anymore. What kind of a world do we live in?

OLDER, WORLD-WEARY POLICE OFFICER
You'll get used to it, kid. And don't worry. This guy's going down.

INT. COURTROOM
Super-model attorney paces in front of CHIPPER, WAY TOO GOOD LOOKING POLICE OFFICER. We know that the attorney is the defense attorney because she has a vague aura of evil intent about her, instead of the righteous light that seems to hang around the prosecutors.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY
But where's the proof? Do you or do you not have proof that my client is the perpetrator? According to his testimony, it was already there when he walked by!

CHIPPER, WAY TOO GOOD LOOKING POLICE OFFICER is clearly upset, chaffing at her questioning his detective abilities.

C.W.t.G.L.P.O.
I've been working this beat for five years! I've seen things you can't even imagine. Smelled things... You think I don't know fresh urine when I smell it?

Pan to JURY, who gasp in surprise and horror.

DEFENDENT stands, sneering at police officer.

DEFENDENT
You want to know what fresh urine smells like? I'll show you what fresh urine smells like!

COURTROOM erupts into chaos, with bailiffs restraining DEFENDENT, and PROSECUTING ATTORNEYS giving each other knowing, satisfied looks.

INT. POLICE CHIEF'S OFFICE, with our two police officers.

HARDENED POLICE CHIEF
Good work on this, boys. The streets are a little cleaner thanks to you.

OLDER, WORLD-WEARY POLICE OFFICER
Nobody commits misdemeanors in my city, Ma'am.

Phone rings, and HARDENED POLICE CHIEF answers, her face growing more and more concerned as she listens and nods. She hangs up.

HARDENED POLICE CHIEF
Bad news, boys. We've got a 22-19 subsection B. Man driving without a license.

C.W.t.G.L.P.O.
Protect and serve, Boss. We're on it.

CUE END TITLE MUSIC.

On the next episode of LAW AND ORDER: MISDEMEANORS UNIT, a group of twenty-somethings is caught burning pallets on the beach, and C.W.t.G.L.P.O. has a moral dilemma--he once did the exact same thing.

28 comments:

Liam said...

FIRST!
Yeah. So. I'm thinking this should tie into the Teen Pregnancy thing.
Poor CWtGLPO...only five years...

Kimberly Franklin said...

LOL! #1 show in the making. Sheer genius! Why didn't I think of that???

Have a great day!

Jenn Johansson said...

Awesome! Tell me when, TiVo!

Natalie Whipple said...

Dude, I'd watch it. Can there be a cop who always wears sunglasses no matter the weather or time of day? Or maybe one of the villains?

Carrie Harris said...

I bet actors will be clamoring to play the fresh urine guy. Clamoring, I tell you.

Anthony said...

CHUNG CHUNG!

lora96 said...

Nice. And so few prime time shows address thh sensitive topic of public urination. :P

Rachel said...

I love it! My favorite 20-year TV series with the perfect new angle. Let us know when you sign the contract.

christicorbett said...

Ok, now I'm hooked. Please do a weekly update and soon you'll have a whole series :)
Christi
http://christicorbett.wordpress.com

Anita Saxena said...

This is hilarious. You never cease to amaze me.

Myrna Foster said...

Okay, that one part in the courtroom--you know the part that was just wrong--why did I think it was so funny?

I was reading through my BYU magazine last night, and noticed your name in the Alumni Updates. I didn't know you went to BYU. BYU high five!

Kiersten White said...

Whew. I'm so glad my test audience likes it! I could actually do several episodes of this...

And Myrna! It's there?? Must find a copy...and here's your BYU high five right back at you!

Daisy Whitney said...

Hilarious!!

Jessie Oliveros said...

I think I saw that one...without the whole public urination thing. I think Hollywood needs you Kiersten.

Mariah Irvin said...

That Older, World-Weary Police Officer has seen a lot of misdemeanors in his day. Harrowing stuff, really.

Ca.ll.y said...

Story, by Robert McKee. You should check it out. Really. You'll thank me.

Brigitte said...

Cue, "YEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH~" from The Who's CSI theme song right about now.

I'm still waiting for Simon Baker here! ;D
It's a great start, to be sure.

xoxoxo

looking-glass-fables.blogspot.com

Abby Stevens said...

That is hilarious. Are you actually trying to develop a television series? THAT would be cool.

I took a class in screenwriting in college and adored it. I think after my novel is finished I might write a screenplay for an idea that's been floating around in my head. I think it would be a refreshing change of pace after writing this book!

K. Marie Criddle said...

This make me laugh so much, I choked on my string cheese. You literally KILL me! Is there going to be an episode on abandoned dog doody one day? Fingers crossed!

Amanda J. said...

Ahahaha oh that's fantastic!! :D

inthewritemind said...

LOL, hilarious!

Marsha Sigman said...

I see a hit show in the making...and honestly can there ever be too many Law and Order shows?

I think not.

Lily Cate said...

Yes!
Now just work in the phrase "You're a loose cannon, C.W.t.G.L.P.O." and you have yourselves a hit.

fairyhedgehog said...

This is going to be a sure-fire hit. You might want to take it down from the blog before you lose first epublication rights.

patdwhite said...

Can I be the: SBCOTT, Sleezy Bad Cop On The Take

Rebecca Knight said...

Man, I can't wait for a serial-jaywalker episode, or one where someone throws his cigarette butts out the window of his car... WITHOUT REMORSE!

What are you going to do that you're about to be rich and famous? :D

Whirlochre said...

Please don't do this to me when I'm in a library.

Laughed so much they thought I'd smuggled in a drugged bear.

Kiersten White said...

Lily Cate--LOOSE CANNON. I can't believe I forgot that! Next episode, I promise.

And thanks, guys! Your comments make me laugh. And you've got some screaming good ideas for future episodes! LAW AND ORDER: MISDEMEANORS is going to be SMOKING HOT IN THE RATINGS.