GIVEaway? Give, away? Give! Away!
Okay, I'm done. Really. Anyhow, those of you who follow me on Twitter (bless your hearts) know that I promised when the blog hit 300 followers I'd do a giveaway. I've got a whole stack of YA books just itching to be shipped out*. Sadly none of them are mine, but no doubt I'll do some of those next year. This will be good practice, right?
I've been trying to think of parameters for some sort of contest. I've never been a fan of random drawings, but have won a few of them in the past and clearly owe some good karma. I've also always been floored by just how clever my readers are, and love seeing what you come up with.
So, here's what I've decided. Every comment on THIS POST and THIS POST ONLY gets an entry for the random drawing. Any sort of comment will work (unless you are trying to get me to buy viagra, in which case, please note that I am not a man and thus can never suffer from erectile dysfunction. That, or am permanently suffering from it, depending on your point of view). However, there will also be two winners based on merit, because I'm a fan of rewarding funny.
If you want to be in the race for that aspect of the contest, please give me a max of three lines from your own writing. For example, were I to enter something from The Sequel I am currently writing, I might offer this:
She stared at him in a vapid, intoxicated way employed only by women under a vamp’s control. Or the way I sometimes got when faced with cupcakes.
Mmm. Cupcakes.
Which, you'll note, is technically four lines, so I'm already cheating, and clearly will be understanding if you do, too. Just don't push it too far. We're talking sentences, not paragraphs. And these entries will count for the random drawing, too, so you pretty much can't lose!
Well, actually, you can lose, and most of you will. Such is the nature of contests, sadly. But won't it be fun to read the entries? Yes, yes it will! Thus, everyone is a winner. Especially me, because I'm really excited to see what you have to say. Have at it, my lovelies, and thanks for following all of the nonsense here.
*I haven't actually decided which books to give away yet, but will probably give the winners a choice among several, since taste varies. And because I'm just nice like that.
Update: Also, it's a good thing this is a trial run, since I forgot that whole deadline thing. How about Wednesday? I'm an impatient person. So Wednesday is it.
148 comments:
omgomgomg FIRST COMMENT! Woot!
Anyhoo, i used to work at a PBM (pharmacy benefit manager) and as a woman you certainly can take viagra (with a pre-auth anyway) - it was originally created as a medication for woman for heart issues and some woman do indeed take it as such. It's just not that common and erectile disfunction pays better than heart troubles i guess.
LOL - love your comment "text" LOL :)
I would love to enter! LOVE book's LOL the smell of them, well everything - anyway!
Jenn@ book-crazy.com is my email
Lets see something I wrote - well I dont "write" really - I own a blog and review LOL :)
I do do poetry...
Let me think...
Christmas is the time of year...
To bring about all kinds of cheer...
So grab a glass and hold on tight...
Cause you know nothing's gonna go right.
(OK it's 4 lines LOL)
Oh yay, contest! Especially contest with books as giveaways. That's always the best. :>
*has to go find 3 funny sentences*
I read the description of PARANORMALCY and love your protag's voice! GO, girl who thinks vampires unsexy! Here's a snippet of the newest 3 lines from my WIP, all raw and unedited and crazy like that:
“I’ll go one better: I’ll give you a tour of the sewers.”
She grinned. “You always did know how to charm a girl…”
“I know. I’ll even provide some special water-proof waders. Nobody ever says ‘no’ to those.”
Can we post more than one comment? And if not, can I delete this one to add my merit worthy comment? *hopes*
Love your lines. Hilarious!
Here are a few lines from my WIP:
It seems, to him, our love amounted to trash. No, wait, that’s just what the break up note, stuck to my car window, was written on—old, empty candy wrapper. How special. If he really cared, he should’ve left the chocolate, too.
Opps...that's four lines too. LOL.
Cool! I'd love to enter. Okay, here's a few sentences from my YA Mystery novel.
Summer flounces in like a tango dancer in North Carolina. All ruffles and bright cotton, with flashing thighs and sweat-slicked skin.
Normally.
For me, it's dragging days and clammy nights.
Whoops! I went a sentence over...Hope it still counts : )
I don't have the brain power to go for funny today, however I love books so I'll comment anyway. :)
Congrats on passing the 300 mark!
Okay, enter me. :)
Mmm....cupcakes. *Homer Simpson Drool*
(That's actually the second reference to cupcakes I've seen today. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something? *hopeful grin*)
Hmm...3 lines from my WIP.
"I swear, woman, you're more trouble than most of the people I meet. Gordon owes me big, I can tell you that much.”
“Me? I was perfectly fine until I came home to find you in my bedroom, digging around in my underwear drawer!”
*giggle* =D
Oooooo contest. I'll play.
"Its breath smelled like the forgotten, decaying filth of centuries past. So I offered it an Altoid."
I am already giggling. Man, best Monday ever!
And don't worry--I'll only count each individual once, so if you want to comment more than once, no worries.
From Episode 23, "The Eiffel Sour," of my web series Twenty-Somewhere:
“She’s drunk,” MJ explains.
“I can see that,” Sophie says at the same time that Claudia protests, “No, I’m drunk! I was going to be a writer, but Sophie got it first. She can’t have drunk too!”
I came back and recounted my sentences. *facepalm* I technically have 4.
Four is okay : )
I'm all about YA books, but I'm bad at contests. I have lines from my WIP, though.
"I heard he killed it with his bare hands," said Tony.
"No," I said, "He used a shotgun."
"But his bare hands were on that shotgun."
Okay, seriously guys, every single one of these has gotten at least a giggle from me. I knew I wouldn't be disappointed : )
Ooh! Fun! And congrats on breaking through 300 followers.
In honor of the last day of NaNoWriMo, here are the opening lines to my NaNovel:
He wrote the letters in red lipstick across her side of the bathroom mirror. Three words. I’m leaving—sorry. It wasn’t even her shade.
Then, she had to scrub it all off.
Evie sounds like she's going to be a lot of fun to read about. Can't wait for Paranormalcy!
Okay, I totally want to enter this on merit, but my WIPs lean much more to the angst than the funny, so here's my best shot:
I sneak down to my dad’s office and search the internet for things like “sudden development of martial arts skills” and “strange dreams”. According to 99% of the internet I’m a vampire slayer and Buffy is dead. I’m pretty sure that as crazy as things are right now, they’re not vampire and demon crazy. Mr. White was doing just fine in the sunlight before I knocked him out.
Four sentences from my almost-finished MS (are they ever finished, really? Not until published, I suppose...)
I lean close to the paper to capture the laughter in his hazel eyes, then sit back and study the likeness. An unusual feeling creeps up on me, pressing on my chest so I can’t take a full breath. It is not the sense of anticipation or curiosity or even dread that typically accompanies one of my visions. This one seems to be conjuring something else entirely.
Enter me, enter me. I think you are HYSTERICAL :-)
Here is a bit of my unedited current work-in-progress:
Kierian threw back his head and laughed. “A kiss doesn’t change anything.”
“A kiss changes everything.”
She headed out the room as he rubbed the cheek she had slapped previously. Kierian wondered if Rowena was right. Did a kiss truly change everything?
Also, congratulations on getting 300 followers, Kiersten. That is great!
And since you said we could enter more than once for more chances to win, here I go again (somebody stop me!):
He glanced at me and I automatically looked away, blushing. Even all ticked off that he had to talk to such losers as Cody and me, he was still really hot.
I kind of hated him for that.
Hey I just wanted to wish you luck with the book! And please enter me in the contest! Thanks.
You're too cute for words! No WIP for me no matter how many author/novelist/writing Twitter lists I get put on. Always willing to lend support and research help though. Could tell you about the cross dressing patron who told me off a week ago, but I am just now recovering. You wouldn't want me to be traumatized again, would you???
The leather felt warm as I slid it up my arms. My armor has obviously been cleaned and conditioned. I can’t believe the show they are making me put on. When they only plan to kill me in the end.
I LOVE CONTESTS!!
Best. Contest. Ever.
Here's something from Mistwood:
“I’m the first to admit that she can be a little difficult -- ”
“Really?” Isabel murmured. “The first?”
His smile came and went, very briefly. “All right, maybe the second or third. "
Seriously, this is the BEST MONDAY EVER. These are great!
And don't worry if you aren't a writer : ) I happen to ADORE readers. Readers rock my world.
Count me in :D selestialaurora(at)hotmail.com
Hmmmm... for my lines you're getting the tail end of one paragraph first and the beginning of the next, hope that's okay.
Jaxson pulled me closer, swaying to the music.
This close, the aroma of him almost overwhelmed my control of the beast. She wanted to rub up against him in ways that would get me a detention -- or worse.
Okay, this three line stuff is hard. But here's four (because I cheat, too) from my WIP.
For a long moment she wondered if he might try to hit her. He wouldn’t succeed but she’d hate to have to kill the pilot of their ship.
Cool contest! No funny lines, though :-( Please enter me anyway!
I'd love to join your contest fun. Alas, my personal writing is not YA (at least, I'm not writing any yet; perhaps I will when my 11-month-old daughters are old enough to read it). So far, stories about monkeys falling out of bed or bear cubs trying to hide from their mothers seem to fit the bill.
YAY 300! *insert flail that obviously conveys Kiersten is a winner*
Let's see...
My main WIP is sort of sadistic, so I haven't really written any humor into that one yet... but I do have a side project...
So here are a few lines from the opening scene of an untitled WIP:
My hand is burning; it literally feels like it's on fire. I lunge for the sink and splash cold water on it. That's the third time this week I've angered the espresso machine, and it's not even my shift still.
"Next time, order something over ice," I tell him, the exhaustion in my voice evident.
"It's not my fault machinery hates you," he says with a chuckle.
ohmygod. That's five. is five okay? I'll edit it again if five is too much :)
Congrats on 300!!!!!
Yeah I shall try to write a little but reading is more my expertise so you'll have to pardon the uhm lack of quality of my writings =p
Hey! *wildly waving hand*
Okay. This is like my favorite line from the book I'm writing this month. *clears throat*
“Let’s get her,” Mandy muttered, digging into her potatoes and glaring mockingly at Paige.
Leah grinned and followed suit.
“Oh, crap,” Paige said. “I’m hooped. Dexx, cover me.”
“Cover you?” he asked. “Cover me!”
Okay. I've got a chance to write another chapter, so I gotta run!
Me want books.
Here are my 4 lines, although not from my WIP.
"Don't let the water just sit on top of the flour! Stir the brownie batter. Otherwise it'll congeal and be lumpy," boyfriend commands from the stove.
My hand falls from the refrigerator door and I rush to the bowl with a spoon.
Thirty minutes later brownies emerge from the stove like bubbling sludge. I slap my forehead. "Crap! I forgot the egg!" Then I turn and look at boyfriend. "It's your fault! If you hadn't rush me!"
Boyfriend glares back. "Typical. Since I'm not a sparkly vampire it's all my fault!"
Oh, poo! I saw this one too. Dang it! Okay, the whole reason this set of lines is funny at all is because it's in the middle of a fight scene (verbal) and things are VERY heated and wildly intense and then...
Kamdon scowled, clenching his fists, his face turning bright red.
“Oh, look," Paige said, turning away from Dexx. "The poop face. You used to make that same face when you were pooping too.”
“Mom," Leah said, shaking her head and taking a step back, "that is so gross.”
That one was four lines, but...teeheheee! Gotta go!
Ooooh! Randomness.
Here's my 3 lines...
Dann-Glarr kissed the holy amulet hung round his neck and unsheathed his Big Three Yarder: a colossal quintuple-bladed demon harvester reserved for the gravest of emergencies. And places with considerably higher ceilings. Oooops.
Okay, finally picked one! I have too many books. From Spork:
He scowled at us. “Last words, trespassers?”
Adair fell to his knees, his hands in the air. “Salutations!”
The Phantome tilted his head. “Prepare to die.”
“Zut. Wrong word,” Adair muttered.
I love this! Excellent idea my lady. So here goes, a brief snippet from my urban fantasy Whisper In The Dark:
“Very nice, and right on time too,” a raspy female voice purred from within the shadow. Kayne winced as she stepped forward into the dim moonlight. Instead of Sasha, his regular transporter, it was Velva, Sasha’s sister demon.
Love reading your blog!! Congrats on 300! (and just in case the coldness of the written word doesn't convey the meaning behind my words: body language - hunched over chuckling -not the hunched over villainous kind of way but the hunched over laughing way. Facial expression - sincere smile-except when I'm chuckling.)
Here is an excerpt from my work.
“Remember that, Dad?”
He wiped a glob of cheese from his moustache. “I certainly do. Good times.” He continued to eat but with no chuckle or twinkle in his eye to indicate a fond memory. Her dad could never sing on key, and thus, did not enjoy the experience. The hot chocolate she spilled on his coat didn’t help either.
Lol! These are all hilarious! Here's mine:
“I doubt you have any problems getting girls,” I say in a low voice then immediately clamp my hands over my mouth. Too late. He heard. And now he's smiling at me, like he knows he's hot, and like he knows exactly how to use his hotness for evil.
"Super heroes are supposed to wear spandex. It says so on page 5 of the Justice Associations guidelines, under dress code. Appropriate substitutions can be made for latex, leather and occasionally vinyl; sweatpants and clogs are flat out."
:-) I hope you and laptop enjoy.
You guys are KILLING ME. Figuratively, not literally. Which is a good thing.
Ahhh I'm drawing a blank on how to be funny! It could be because over Thanksgiving break (6 days) I've only got a total of like 26 hrs. of sleep! I shall try to think of something humorous though!
Yay giveaways! Love your blog!
"Sometimes I think dad can't wait for Zack to actually hit puberty so he will have a son to pal around with, as Zack is currently going through this bizarre play-in-his-room-and-build-not-so-safe-science-experiments-and-definitely-no-adults-are-allowed-to-join phase. Poor Andrew is just the stand in until the real thing stops blowing up sulfur and messing up the walls."
These comments are great! Here's mine:
"Jenny breathed through her nose in bursts, attempting to ease the panic in her stomach. Spread out among endless rolling fields were hundreds, maybe thousands, of strange creatures staring at her. The fact that their eyes were locked firmly on her was disturbing. The fact that none of them had mouths was terrifying."
Thanks for hosting! Count me in!
Hmmm...Here's a few lines from something I've written.
Hearing the venom in that voice, I nearly faltered, but as the creature rounded the corner with Ian in tow, I gathered all my strength and steeled myself for what had to be done.
I wasn’t about to die for him.
I was going to do something much, much worse.
~Natalie
n_monzyk_27@yahoo.com
Fun. I enjoy your blog. Here's mine -
I tugged at Maman's sleeve as fast as my heart beat. “Is Papa going to jail?”
Two cars down from us, the arresting officers pulled Ed from their backseat, his hands cuffed in front of him.
I'm not a writer, unless you don't count my twitter updates, and if you do, I don't think hearing about my Middle school gym shorts still fitting me or how I'm wearing them backwards today theeeen....Okay! AWKWARD.
In any case! I can't wait to read your book! And I'm following your blog now!
Cheers! :)
NaNoWriMo got the better of me this year. During one late night writing fest I wrote this line:
'“Fine, whatever. I’m going back to the carrots.” He stalked off, like celery.'
Of course, I know better than to keep the 'like celery' bit in but at the time it had me rolling with laughter.
thatwemightfly AT gmail DOT com
Thank you, Kiersten!
Okay - this is one of my favorite funny lines from my book debuting this month, but it loses something without the context.
“And what is she here for?”
I point to her bloated arm and neck. “I’m afraid she got in Willy
Wonka’s secret stash of gum last night and things went terribly wrong when it came to the cherry pie part.” Ashley giggles, but the nurse gives me a look to kill. Clearly there’s no sense of humor in the ER. “She had allergy tests yesterday, and this is what happened.”
Yay! I love giveaways! Thanks, Kiersten!
'Kay - Here's a couple of lines from my WIP:
"Let me tell you – walking into a movie theater with no popcorn smell is like walking into your favorite restaurant and smelling dog poo. It just doesn’t work."
Oh, hey, can we enter more than one for the funny contest?
Congrats on hitting 300!
Cate
sparrowreview@yahoo.com
I can't do funny so I'll do random instead.
Nice competition, Kiersten.
I'll travel the universe and remember to pack the right shoes this time. Maybe the sling backs not my pumps, they're too dressy. Wait, I worry about black holes and I don't want to be sucked into one doomed to wear toe pinchers for eternity. I know, I'll pack my shiny red flats so I'll be just a click of my heels away from home.
Congrats on 300 followers! And I love the lines you shared from the Sequel. I'm really excited for Paranormalcy now.
Ok here are some of my lines.
Maybe he had one of those weird psycho-somatic conditions I’d learned about back in biology. You know, like when a person can’t process body temperature or something like that? But then I decided that even psycho-somatic conditions had to have exceptions when the weather approached triple digits.
Ok so my entry looks a lot longer in this format than on the page...does this mean I'm cheating? I don't know, but there it is:-)
I'm pretty chill about regulations, so no worries, guys. And if you want, you can enter two (TWO) snippets, but only one will count toward the random drawing.
Still having fun : ) I hope everyone else is reading these, because this is great.
I can't help myself, here's another one from Transparent:
“Guys! Shut up!” They quiet at Bea's voice, magnified like she holds a microphone. “Sheesh. This is Joey, Hector, Carlos, and Tony. You don’t have to remember their names, they all answer to dumbass.”
Fun contest congrats on the 300 followers.
Please enter me in the randomness and here's my three lines - not sure if there funny:
"How dare he kiss me. I have never been treated so in my life. He did have nice eyes though,” she admitted with a sigh.
Here's one more excerpt:
“If you want to read it so bad, then just read it already,” I snapped without looking at her. “As soon as we get Dad some help, we’ll go back to my house, I’ll give you your copy back, and you can become a book zombie like everyone else. Just don’t expect me to clean up your pee.”
All right, I can't resist entering another one! Here it is:
After a nasty accident left me with a broken wrist, I swore up and down that the bike was at fault because it's most likely possessed by a demon. I haven't touched it since, but tonight I have no choice-- it's either ride the demon-bike, or walk five miles to the park.
“Please don't hurt me,” I whisper to the bike as I pedal away and Montgomery Street disappears behind me.
Fun! I don't envy you the choosin'. :)
Here's my lines:
He kept an animated discussion going whenever I was around about how wonderful school was, and how glad he was to be making-something-of-himself and building-a-future blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I’m sure Dad told him to make some subtle suggestions to me, but Sam wouldn’t know subtle if it turned a cartwheel in his brain.
Yay for 300 followers! I really enjoy reading your blog and became a follower not too long ago myself. Hooray for give-a-ways too!
Well here's an excerpt from my WIP. I'll share since other people are:
“Love potion? I do not handle those kinds of needs, sir. Now if you want to poison her, I have just the remedy."
Maria
phoenix_dwelling@yahoo.com
I feel like I'm getting really repetitive, but SERIOUSLY, GUYS.
You are AWESOME. And FUNNY. And FUN. Keep 'em coming!
Wait, wait... is the excerpt supposed to be funny? I missed that. My snippet was not the least bit funny. Oh shoot. Can you add a category for mysterious/angsty/uh-oh/heart-fluttery/about-to-be-bitten/I have no idea what is going on here sort of entries?
Sharon, entertaining/intriguing works, too : ) And yours definitely fits that!
I juste entered two because, well, *shrug* I couldn't help myself. I didn't honestly think I'd get two entries. LOL!!
OMG! Some of these! WOW! These are FUNNY!
Frankie
Gee, thanks Kiersten "well, most of you wil lose" LOL
I don't think I can make you laugh, I don't do funny. My mother says I can't even remember a punch line let alone deliver one.
:0) Here are my lines anyway.
“Do you want a ride? It’s awful dark.”
“I think I’ll be okay. Serial killers love big cities, right?” I didn’t wait for an answer and crossed to the other side of the road.
"She claimed the moon couldn’t parch her the way the sun could. And so she had made herself comfortable, her silvery tail draped across the sandy bench of the boat."
Playing the piano is like magic for me. Not that Frodo-and-the-one-ring kind of magic, but the sunset kind, the magic you feel when you walk in the summer rain or reach the top of a mountain or jump in a pile of freshly-raked leaves.
Enter me, enter me, please!
And here's my if-you-squint-it-might-pass-for-three-lines entry (Okay, four it is four sentences I confess!):
Except it was really twelve pounds, not that Clare admitted this, even to herself.
Twelve was a complicated number.
Twelve was the number of VonTrapp kids plus five.
Twelve was the number on the size tag Clare ruthlessly snipped from her new black pants.
Lora
litdiva.blogspot.com
Wednesday. Trail Run. Drawing. Funny. Sounds good to me.
Your giving away Viagra?
So, do we get one entry for entering, and another for being funny?
Everyone who leaves any sort of comment gets entered into the random drawing. If, in addition, they offer a funny bit (or an intriguing bit, Sharon!) they are also in the running for the two subjective prizes.
oh, books! YAY! Enter me :)
Hmm....three lines, let me see...
"I want to know why I turn into this foreign beast whenever I see him with her."
"Maybe you envy him the girl," he smirked and took a drag from his cigarette.
"You're a broken psychic."
Viagra? What the heck, I will share some of mine.........
I'm totally cheating, but mostly because I can't remember any funny snippets that are funny without the 3-7 lines preceding it ;-)
Here's one. Hagai and Sam are flying through a lightning storm:
Hagai said, “We’ll be safe, though, right?”
“Oh, aye. S’only one ship in ten gets struck by lightning.”
“Shouldn’t it be less than that? Like a thousand?”
“Sure, Gai. One in a thousand. No worries.”
And did you say we could make multiple entries?
"I bet it was that piking bastard, Ignacio!" Sam drew his sword and made a couple of slashing motions for emphasis.
"Samuel Thomas Draper! Is that how they talk in those picture stories of yours?"
"No," Sam lied.
"We'll see," which meant Mother would probably flip through his Reaper stories the next chance she got. Sam would have to remember to hide issue #8.
If I think of more (especially one that actually conforms to the rules), I'll be back.
Okay, here. This follows the rules:
“You’ve been here everyday for a week, mate,” said the shopkeep.
“Good stew,” Sam said, keeping his face carefully shadowed. He had thought he could say it with a straight face.
Just saw your comment on only two snippets. I guess I'm done then (you know, after entering three).
Oops! I misread the original post. I thought you could comment as many times as you wanted for the random drawing. Must be all that Thera Flu! My bad!
Anyone who reads the blog regularly knows I play fast and loose with rules all the time. So no worries.
And Valerie, I didn't word it very well.
*Gasp* How long I've been waiting for a contest I can actually enter!
Um, so, yeah. Enter moi, sil vous plait.
Yeah. Three (or four, depending)lines from my YA novel(in the comment they may not be three lines, but they were in the Word Document):
The rain pounded down. Torrents of the rainwater flowed into ditches, and the plants that didn’t drown would soon flourish. I imagined a scene in which all the clouds were crying the droplets, for they had all been rejected by the gorgeous prince that was the sun.
liamofireland@aol.com
Woot! CONTEST!
Excerpt:
Melissa tilts her head at me. "Listen, Dani, are you really okay? You’ve had kind of a lousy attitude lately."
"Thank you. I find it coordinates nicely with my lousy clients and lousy boyfriend. I’m not sure how it goes with these shoes, though."
"What’s wrong with Mark now? Wait, you’re going to wear those shoes outside?"
I stare at Melissa.
"What? I’m trying to help."
"Get out of my office."
“So the Pekingese are still hot on your trail?”
He gritted his teeth and then shook his head, his dark curls jostling on his forehead as he avoided looking at me. “You really shouldn’t call her that.”
“Well, you didn’t like it when I called your girlfriends Shih-Tzu’s,” I offered.
He finally looked me in the eyes. “What is with you and the little dogs?”
Oooh I get to enter twice yay! I can once again abuse your patience with regulation-busting excerpt:
"No way was she shoe-horning into a pair of Spanx for an unknown quantity like Max. And for him to be passable, in Clare‘s eyes, he had to avoid some serious deal breakers.
No obvious male pattern baldness (bad genetics).
No use of texting slang such as “OMG” in conversation (immature).
No jokes about Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin (insecure).
No more than one ex-wife (until last year, the standard had been “never been married” but when she hit 30, or rather when 30 hit her, Clare decided she had to be slightly less strict in her requirements).
No kids (too complicated).
No Corvette (erectile dysfunction).
No metrosexual manicure (vain).
No food allergies (demanding).
No hand sanitizer (OCD).
No athletic shoes on a date (lazy--even professional athletes have dress shoes).
No answering his cell phone during dinner if he isn’t an ER doctor (rude).
Her list of rules had been expanded and refined during a series of bad, short-lived relationships which Clare referred to collectively as her twenties. "
litdiva.blogspot.com
Hi :)
Thank you for the opportunity to win.
My snippet:
Jaxon kept that slightly mocking smile on his ruggedly handsome face. "Come" he said, pulling her to him. She lunged, aiming her throbbing teeth at his pale neck. He held her from him effortlessly. "Now, now, Alyssa. Some manners. Really." he said, drawing the last word out like she was a puppy who'd piddled on the carpet. She flushed. "I'm fine. I'm fine" she said, feeling the fangs retract.
:)
All the best,
RKCharron
And how 'bout an entry from a YA novel in verse?
I Take
a vow of silence
sealing my lips
with the superglue
of my love
for Grammy Jane.
SWEET! I'm so glad I randomly made a blog here last week!
Excerpt:
I was flying on a plane to LA because my parents thought it'd be safer than driving, but all I could think of was that one episode of The Twilight Zone where the monster's suctioned onto the window. When the sixty-something year old woman in lavender asked me the ol' business or pleasure question, I turned to her, pointed out the window and said, "Wouldn't it be cool if there was a monster out there?" She blinked a few times, probably thinking about how terribly lost my generation was, so I eventually told her, "Business."
I'll do one more while I'm feeling not 'quite' as scared putting my stuff to the world!
I screwed my face in protest as the aroma of the buffet ruthlessly violated my nostrils. "I'm a vegan," I explained.
"Well I'm a virgin," the second guy piped up, without missing a beat. "Wanna make out?"
LOL at the comments so far! Seriously, when you're all published authors I want a copy of your books.
Is this open internationally?
I'm currently in a chronic phase of filling up my notebook with random dialogue and unfinished scenes, so keep that in mind:
"Crap, they're looking... kiss me."
"What if I catch something?"
"Damnit, Jordan," I crushed my lips to his, trying not to look repulsed as I shared saliva with the same boy who believed himself to be a reincarnation of Buddha ten minutes ago. Then he bit me.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?"
"I always get the urge to bite on things when they're near my mouth."
*scratches head* Sooo I don't think I learnt to count... sorry!
oh funfunfunfunfunf...
One of the camo’d girls handed me a compact from her locker. I held it up and pulled the gauze off my head. A red gash slit right through my eyebrow. “Great, I look like I was in a raging fist fight.”
Camo girl laughed. “That’s what I’d tell people if I were you—because tripping out of a tent sounds way lame.”
Books are exactly my brand of heroin.
This is from my WiP, Surviving Reject High.
“Love the cashmere, but the whole outfit screams uptight prude.” Barden flicked his hair away as he speared a piece of tomato.
“Barden!” Bea shook her head, “Go easy on her. She’s not use to your overly-opinionated sense of style righteousness.”
Congrats on turning 300.
I had way to much fun reading all of those entries. Thanks for giving us permission to cheat ;)
Jared laughed and held the phone out to me. “I've got someone here asking for Stinky.”
I sighed and took the phone. “I'm not going to be Stinky for the rest of my life, am I?”
“That depends,” Rooster said.
“On what?”
“Have you showered? I've heard it helps.”
*g* Fast deadline!
So.. here goes.
He rubbed his hands with relish. "Ahh, the good old evil stepmother episode. I think everyone must have watched that at least once in their lives."
Random comment! Er...
None of my writing is particularly funny so...=T
ninefly(at)gmail.com
Wow! So many great lines to go with a fun contest. I'd love to be entered to win. I'm not always so good at funny, but these three lines seem to invoke an emotional reaction:
She forced her face to relax and smoothed her eye feathers. While the High Council did many things that she didn't like, she struggled with questions. Could the council—in cold blood—kill a baby?
Trying to put some distance between myself and my WiPs, so I'll just comment. But what a wonderful contest!
Great contest idea!
This is from A COOKIE, A JACKET, A LETTER:
"I thought all the older kids stuck sixth graders in garbage cans.”
Rob had heard that still happened. It was best to get on the eighth graders’ good side. But anyone who called their mom Mama Loopy had to have ended up in the trash, at least once.
...
“You stand for me, won’t you, Ewan? I’m too tired for that, my bones are giving me grief again.”
He considered rebelling, but she’d probably just pat his hand and commend him for his helpfulness again. Ewan stood in the line.
...
Here's mine! I guess this story isn't greatly funny- BUT COMMA SPLICES GET ME TO FOUR LINES. :D
Wheeee contest!
Okay, I have two funny bits. Because I'm indecisive and like my novel too much.
"If Milo did anything to break my brother back into the cowardly, quiet thing he had been for the past two years, I would tell all the women here that Milo had developed a variety of diseases they really, really did not want to contract. See how that helped his reputation."
"The noise that filled the air sounded like a cat drowning. No – a cat begging to drown. A cat so overcome with the desire to drown that it used every ounce of strength to proclaim its desperation to the world.
Ikkin’s face contorted. Repositioning my fingers on his fiddle, he nodded. “Again.” "
Okay so here is one of my funny lines, at least I hope it is, I just love the word procrasterbating...
"What am I supposed to do until she gets here? Do you expect me to sit here procrasterbating all night? Can't this wait?"
I can't resist. So here's my favorite bit ever, from Superbly Useless.
"There’s a pickup parked right next to the house, one of those huge black monsters that guys buy to prove they have a great big tonker. I glance in the windows as I walk by, hoping to see something that would tell me this is the right house. Of course I don't find anything, because leaving valuable photography equipment in an unlocked tonker truck is complete idiocy."
Love reading all the comments, couldn't resist adding one more...
"Sure princess, all sober people go hopping down random dark streets at night by themselves." He chuckled remembering her jumping around on one foot. What was she doing, a drunk sobriety test?
It took me about five minutes just to scroll straight down. Suddenly I'm feeling a bit sick about judging between entries...
WHY ARE YOU ALL SO FUNNY/BRILLIANT??
Random drawings are my favorite type of contests. If I don't win, I can blame someone else (or fate, if necessary). Thanks for running this contest!
I offer the following unedited lines from my WIP:
She had a thick coating of makeup on her cheeks and a strong gradient of eye shadow black at the lashes and fading to sky blue at her penciled eyebrows. Her lips were painted a dark, brooding red, and from her ears swayed hoop earrings as big around as those Big Gulp lids Luke got at the circle mart.
ooh ooh ooh ooh pick me! I love contests so this would pretty much make my life.
Oh and congrats on 300 followers. Wootwoot!
"You can hold it right there, partner," came the smug tones of a too-familiar voice-- the wrong voice, Deputy Darnell's voice. There followed the distinctive sound of a riot shotgun having a round pumped into the chamber. Since a live shell was ejected in the process, it was a cowboy stunt only an idiot would try. And that confirmed the identification.
(Hey, it was four lines on my page.)
Here's one for you Kiersten. It's about as funny as I get. Thanks for the comp :)
"Spying on you?" said Nan,"What did they look like? Old, young?"
"It was difficult to tell. They looked kind of...weird. Sort of hunched."
Nan scratched her nose, "you’ll have to be more specific. There are a few people like that around here."
forgot my email: yayreads@hotmail.com
Here's a few lines of my NaNo book:
She died. But she's inside of me.
Hara, it's me.
But I move on, willing to be anyone but her.
"Thanks for calling Strechflex, we put the flex in your stretch! My name is Garrett, what can I sell you today?" Garrett said confidently, but slowly. His large smile looked like it would eat his microphone.
"Uh, yeah I was calling to ask about the commercial I just saw" a tin line voice asked.
"Cool. Um, what did you see?" Garrett asked.
"The commercial. For Strechflex? Twenty one dollars a month? Is that true?" the distant voice asked.
"Sure I guess. Hey I dunno man. I just work here. What were you watching?" Garrett said.
"What? Oh, uh.. reruns of Gilligan's Island, why?" The little voice was very curious at Garrett's question.
"Yeah Man! That's what I'm talking about! Gilligan and the Skipper on and Island, kicking back, with nature! Ginger and Mary Anne providing the eye candy, the Professor working on some cocktails! Dude, I wanna be Gilligan so bad! Which one is your favorite? I like Gilligan the best. I want his hat, maybe I should get one. Hey, where do you get those hats, any idea?" Garrett was now totally lost.
"I don't care where you get those hats! Is your manager there? Let me talk to your manager now!" the minuscule voice was now angry and tiny instead of just tiny.
"Oh, uh.. uh oh. Looks like a bad connection, sir you'll have to call back." Then Garret hung up on them.
Me next...me next!
From WIP Woman Overboard:
A quick glance at the mirror makes me realise that although I may feel more human, I don't really look it. I take a few minutes with my mirror and makeup, finally giving up when I resemble a freshly painted dead person.
sorry about the long comment... I couldn't help myself! Also, I just noticed a typo or two. I have touched this MS in months... sorry!
Oh em gee, this sounds like buckets of fun! Really, no sarcasm intended.
Okay, so. The following is a description from a story I'm still currently writing (It isn't a very good one...but youuuuuuuu know):
Wait, wait, wait for a tiny nanosecond here. What if he isn’t who Lia says he is? She did say, “Yesterday I passed by a guy wearing glasses in the hallway who I thought fit your description.” Emphasis on the “I thought”! So ha, I have hope!
Er, if you need my email, it's:
justeena_25(at)yahoo(dot)ca
:D
Here's my entry:
"They were both seniors from the looks of them, a boy and a girl, and they were eyeing the fish tank like they’d just realized it could also be used for waterboarding. He doubted they’d ever blackened anybody’s eye, even in sibling-defense."
Cool contest!
So, I feel slightly insane entering when there are already 118 Really Good Entries, but then again, I'm known for benig slightly insane. So you know.
From my NaNoWriMo novel of this year:
"Er, run?"
"In which direction, precisely?"
Mercury twisted her head around, stomach sinking as she realised they were completely surrounded. "Um, up?"
O:)
Okay! I'm entering, it just took me awhile to find anything, since I haven't really written anything downright funny I'll just have to go with the context being funny I guess.
It clocks in at three sentences too, so at least there's that :P
It's from a scene I wrote, although I'm not quite sure what it belongs to (short story maybe?);
Staring at the big dead animal currently lying on the table, Hannah eyed the big man in front of her warily.
“What’s that?” glancing back at the animal, she wrinkled her nose, swallowing as her stomach lurched.
“Your betrothal present, do you like it?” he grinned widely and if Hannah hadn’t so occupied with trying to aim for the sink, she’d have thought it a very nice smile too.
Poor Hannah...
I'm so not a writer so no lines to write...I'm a math person who loves to read though :)
I'm super excited for you & can't wait to get my hands on your book.
Mel
hefollowedme AT gmail DOT com
I love the entries on here...so, so funny :) This is from my WIP, middle grade novel:
“I wasn’t sleeping well a few months ago, remember? In February, my mom got me a new pillow and I’ve been out like a candle down a condemned mine shaft ever since.”
“Yeah, maybe that’s it,” Jessie directed the lunch lady behind the counter toward her choice for the day, government-issued roast beef swimming in cold, congealed gravy.
If you could be an animal, which would you choose? Me:"Flamingo. They are pink, which is the most I know about them. And one day I hope to grow up to have long beautifully skinny legs."
Love your blog (and contests, coincidentally)!
Here's my stab at it:
"In our last counseling session, Dr. Taylor suggested that I try to listen more openly, and not shoot down his ideas so quickly.”
“That sounds pretty difficult to do, especially when you’re not really into them,” I say, tapping the brush into the shadow and working on her other eyelid.
“Yeah, and what she fails to understand is that I have to work really hard on just not shooting HIM most of the time, let alone his ideas.”
Hi, I'm new to your blog! This is from my Nanowrimo novel... from 3 years ago. It gets pretty terrible after the first chapter, but there are a few good moments in there, at least!
"The very idea of becoming an expert on something that happened nearly a hundred years ago and then writing a ten page paper was not appealing to me. Or at least, about as appealing as pulling out my leg hair with duct tape. "
That's all I got. Apparently I don't do humor in anything else I write.
I'm jumping in here just in time. This is from my first novel. I find it kind of funny, but that may just be me.
She hated being the center of attention. It didn’t help that the first person she spotted in the crowd was Gustav Darrington. She groaned inwardly, bracing herself for an evening of feeling like a lobster being chased by a very hungry predator.
Most of my funnies take set up or are contextual, so they are way longer than 3 lines, but here's something from my WIP that fits the criteria:
"…and his lips, mmmmm, they could kiss me anytime.”
Zoe looked down at her hands and smiled. Anybody’s lips could kiss Tish’s anytime. There was nothing impressive in that.
Does stuff from a comic count? Also, I know the deadline is Wednesday, but I'm under a minute late, does it still count?
"I am, according to Karen, newly crowned mistress of all things good and true, a liar."
Clearly well-delineated contest guidelines are not among my skillset. I'll still take entries tomorrow (Wednesday).
And yes, stuff from comics counts : )
I'm so entertained. I'd do this every week if I could afford to. I think I'd run out of books/money before you all ran out of clever snippets!
I have been so busy! Ok, here is my entry. A few lines from the wip that I am currently editing.
I had only taken a few steps before I stopped to tug on the shorts, sure that half my butt was hanging out, when the first girl noticed me. Her jaw dropped and the basketball she held slipped from her hands to bounce on the floor once, twice, and then roll unnoticed toward the bleachers.
Isn't my best, but I'm already running out of time :P
"The floor of the cellar was wet and mouldy, the boy, around sixteen years of age, looked drained out and just a structure of bones. His sunken eyes, whose pupils had a dark ring around them, rose slowly to meet his grandmother’s eyes and he whispered, “I’ll get the girl – my brother goes free.”"
Ha! What an awesome contest. I can't stop laughing just reading the comments.
Here's my subjective entry...
“Holy crap man!” Danny cries, crossing the room in two strides, and pounding my back in a quick bear hug. “I seriously thought you were in jail. What happened? Did you really run away from the cops or something?”
I guess this answers my first question: “Are you still mad at me?” and my second as well: “Dude, did you hear I ran away from the cops?”
Oooo, fun! There's so many comments I couldn't read them all, but the ones I did read were so clever. Here's my entry from my book about superheroes.
When Jade had agreed to take her position with the International Bureau of Remarkable Genetic Assets (or IBRAG as she preferred to call it), she had expected to be working behind the scenes, not directly with the Assets (she had a nickname for them too).
“Uh, damn dog. Get outta my face.” Curtis had a love and hate relationship with his dog. He liked the unconditional friendship and loyalty. He liked taking the dog along as a companion when he had to pick up lumber, hardware, or auto parts for his construction and engine repair work. He hated being woken up like a lollipop.
Congratulations on the followers!
Here's mine:
"Listen, I’ll have him call you back when he’s out of the hospital.” Bask stabs the END button viciously and mutters, "Spaz."
“Who was that?” Shun asks.
“No idea," Bask says. "Do you know a ‘God’?”
Wow, that's a lot of comments. Here's a few lines from something I'm putting together now.
Through the miracle of his wizard's glass, Farthane observed a single, bored-looking shamaness of the barbarians stalking out from her roisterous encampment to face the Worm. She appeared to be drinking the kind of beer that is ¬not¬ served with a slice of lime, and was wearing a T-shirt that read: "Yes, I'm magic. No, you can't touch my dark cauldron."
my email is kainja@hotmail.com
Here is something I wrote a while ago when I was just a wee struggling writer:
Business eventually rebounded at the North Pole, thanks in part to royalties Santa received from The Polar Express and to a lesser degree The Santa Clause 3. Were it not for one man, though, I would probably not have a job. I will never forget the year that Chachie saved Christmas.
Okay, I can't resist, I'm posting a 2nd entry:
...we move over to the next display of books, stepping over a pair of goth teenagers sitting on the floor, whispering over a large tome. Michio leans his head down to take a look.
"The Necronomicon?" He looks up at me. "Seriously, if you can buy it at Borders, how good can it be?"
We get to enter two snippets? Yay! Here's my second...
I look down at my food, feeling dejected. What does a guy say to the love of his past life? “Excuse me, but I’m fairly certain we are soul mates, and I was wondering if you might like to pick up where we left off 150 years ago?”
Love reading your blog!!(and just in case the coldness of the written word doesn't convey the meaning behind my words: body language - hunched over chuckling -not the hunched over villainous kind of way but the hunched over laughing way. Facial expression - sincere smile-except when I'm chuckling.)
Here is an excerpt from my work.
“Remember that, Dad?”
He wiped a glob of cheese from his moustache. “I certainly do. Good times.” He continued to eat but with no chuckle or twinkle in his eye to indicate a fond memory. Her dad could never sing on key, and thus, did not enjoy the experience. The hot chocolate she spilled on his coat didn’t help either.
I took me FOREVER to find something, and by now there are almost 150 comments!
I don not admire the decision you will have to make, Kiersten!
August fingered the gun lodged in his pocket, but didn’t move to take it out. The urge to kill the man palpitated through his heart until it coursed through his veins. It would be easy. One shot, and Strickland would be dead. Jane would be safe again. They could have a future together.
He couldn’t do it.
Oh goodness, that's more like a short paragraph! Hopefully it will still count because the sentences are short!
Here's my entry. Enjoy!
No one was fooled by Jonathan’s fake British accent, though his flaming homosexual act was quite convincing. Still, Dara watched her bosses and co-workers roll their eyes as Jonathan floated from social cluster to social cluster, introducing himself, and holding out a limp-wristed hand for people to take. If she hadn’t been so mortified, it would’ve been amusing.
I'd like to enter! What's something to put here? Hmm.
"She used to like observing people at traffic lights, but since everything in the world seemed to suck lately, it had become depressing. She caught fewer lip-synchers and nose-pickers and more people crying or just staring into space wondering how to pay off their credit card debt. It was downright sad. The nose-pickers had been a comfort, somehow. They meant that even if her life blew, even if she lived alone and had only enough money to pay for groceries (not electric, heat, clothes, or cable), other people’s lives were okay."
That's way more than 4 lines. But you authorized cheating, right?
My email's j.heminway@gmail.com.
Here's my entry from my current WIP:
And his smile – damn! Did he have to go all Chuck Bass on her? That would teach her to go to another Gossip Girl marathon at her dorm.
Margay
Margay1122(at)aol(dot)com
I'd like to enter please!
Ok, so my story is still in the "work out what the hell is happening" and research phase - my protagonist is hiding what he's up to even from me, so I'm kind of stuck. This basically means I haven't written much, but as I have various scenes that are very vivid in my mind, I'll give you one of them.
"Show me," Jason demanded, looking at each of them in turn, but they only returned puzzled looks. "My mind print, show me." Lex sighed, turned back to the computer and hit a few keys. She then turned the monitor to Jason; a series of horizontal black lines, one after the other were on the screen under his name. "A barcode?" he asked in disbelief. "My mind is a freaking barcode?!"
Technically, that's six sentences... but it wouldn't have made a huge amount of sense (not that it does now) without them all.
Oh, how I can't wait to actually get to the point where I'm able to just let my fingers type. These characters are so much fun, I just want to get them on paper - or computer monitor - already!
Email: joannestapley[at]googlemail[dot]com
CONTESTS! Maybe I can just make a grocery bag book cover ala fourth grade and pretend, for a second, that its PARANORMALCY?
I love contests.
And, snippet:
There’s a common misconception about being the new kid at school, one that all those movies and books manage to forget. Sometimes you aren’t welcome. Not everyone wants to be your best friend. You are not the new, shiny object of fascination, but instead, the dull coin that rolls under the bookcase and is forgotten. Only, as much as I wish people would forget about us, they don’t.
(I'm long winded.)
email is corey.r.wright[at]gmail[dot]com
300 followers- you rock!
I have 13, and two of them don't speak English.
So, yeah.
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