Disgruntled

[First and foremost, thank you everyone for your comments on yesterday's post. Clearly my readers are thoughtful, kind people. I especially appreciated the elementary school teachers who are working hard to teach their students how to speak with kindness and respect. I would have responded to each and every comment, but they all spoke so well for themselves that I decided not to. A special thanks to those of you who are excited to read Paranormalcy in the future, but mostly I'm just grateful for how much good there is in the world. And now back to our regularly scheduled silliness.]

Memo

There has been a lot of talk lately of firing a certain key member of our team. Management is looking into whether or not such a firing is even legal; unfortunately the legal issues behind his position in our establishment are both nebulous and rather binding.

Rest assured, however, we are taking the complaints very seriously. They are as follows:

• Flagrant disregard for the rules of the household
• Surly, "bratty" attitude
• Physical violence toward personnel in the sister department
• Blatant flouting of posted working hours, thus forcing other members into overtime
• Creating a negative, sleep-deprived working environment
• Demanding attention to the neglect of workers' other duties
• Forcing management to handle and clean hazardous bodily waste
• Refusal to respond to management-approved behavior modification techniques
  

We are aware that everyone is tired and stressed out and at their wits' ends. However, until we can resolve the situation in a way that is fair and acceptable to everyone, Management would like to gently remind everyone that we all agreed to bring this employee in, knowing that it wouldn't be easy. We would also recommend looking at him and making him laugh, since his big blue eyes are guaranteed to make you feel better. For a little while, at least.

Sincerely,

Household Management