To: Brainular Maintenance Inc
723 Frontal Lobe Lane
From: Kiersten White
To Whom it May Concern:
I was recently in for my 26 year check up at my local Jiffy Lobe. Although I purchased the extended warranty and was assured that my fluid levels were all normal, synapses in full working order, and that I had at least 200,000 miles left in each hemisphere before replacements were necessary, my brain has not been functioning up to par lately.
Where I should have something akin to a DSL connection, lately it's felt more like dial-up--complete with that horrible beeeeep EEEEEEEEEEEEE breee bree bree EEEEEEEEEEE noise while connecting.
Aside from far slower speeds than normal, there's also a strange weight that seems to hang around right behind my eyes, pressing down on them and making me feel dull and tired all the time. I have reason to suspect that during the routine inspection one or more tools were inadvertently left behind in my skull. I've compiled a photo illustration to demonstrate:
As this problem is vexing, I'd appreciate a prompt reply. Hopefully we can work together to get my brain back up to speed as soon as possible.
To: Kiersten White
123 Not Telling Lane
San Diego, CA
From: Brainular Maintenance Inc.
Re: Your Recent Service Complaint
Dear Ms White,
In compliance with your recent complaint we have undergone an extensive and complete inventory of all our tools and found nothing missing. With our unparalleled Jiffy Lobe service history, we feel confident in saying that our assessment was accurate at the time given and that we are completely blameless in your recent slowage issues.
If you'll check the fine print in your service agreement, you'll find that any and all problems having to do with children and related sleep-deprivation are not covered in our warranty, and anyone who knows your kids will agree with us when we say that they are the more-than-likely culprits.
Have a nice day.
The Brainular Team/Jiffy Lobe