Thursday, March 19, 2009

Starts with a C and Ends with a Ridiculous Photo Essay

Well, I did it. I bought a cabbage. Figured, St Patrick's Day, gotta get into the spirit somehow, right?

Seriously? Who first saw this and thought, yummy!

But then I got to thinking--what was that they used to say about babies coming from the cabbage patch? I mean, come on, that's GOT to be easier than trying (and trying and trying) to get pregnant, worrying about more ectopic pregnancies, going through the nine months of horrible hormones, so on and so forth. Just grabbing a baby out of this thing...suddenly the cabbage is full of promise.

This could very well be the newest member of our family!

So, giddy with anticipation, I got out the knife. Would it be another boy? A girl? And what would the baby look like? I mean, obviously it wouldn't be biologically related to Hot Stuff or me, but we could love it like one of our own. Especially since it wouldn't add yet another layer to my c-section scarring. I carefully sliced it open...

THERE IS NO BABY IN THIS STUPID THING.

Yet another disappointment. Not only is there no baby, but it doesn't smell very good, either. At least if something is stinky it should be an adorable baby with a messy diaper. Not something your husband wants you to make for dinner. Still...I can't help but think that the cabbage would surely sleep better than a newborn. And be far less maintenance. It may not be edible, but it could fill that emptiness in our family, right? I could learn to love it, right?

Yes, but what would we call it?

I decided to leave it up to the kids. After all, they'd be most affected by the addition of a new sibling, vegetable or otherwise. Dojo was ambivalent, but Nayna immediately went into maternal mode, lovingly carrying the cabbage around. Unfortunately, we forgot to tell Hot Stuff about our baby replacement, and he decided to liven up the sweet and sour chicken and rice we had for dinner last night.

Ah well. Guess it's back to the old fashioned method. If you'll pardon me, I've got to get my binoculars. Storks aren't easy to find.

24 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Whatever you do, DO NOT mix it with corned beef. It will make your children hate St. Patrick's Day for years to come.

Kiersten said...

Too late! And, oddly enough, Dojo LOVED it. Nayna had a waffle.

JaneyV said...

Bacon and cabbage used to make me want to barf when i was a kid. The smell in the kitchen used to be torture. The when I was seventeen I discovered that It was how my mother cooked it that was so awful. I prefer the darker green cabbage or the red stuff.

Here's the interesting bit - (no really, it is. Wake UP!) - cabbage is loaded with iron - essential for a healthy pregnancy and bak choi is loaded with phytoestrogens which are excellent for good female hormone health. And these very interesting facts (aw c'mon!) could be the origin to the baby in the cabbage patch myth.

Nayna is adorable!

Janet C. said...

Silly question - if there had been a baby within the cabbage, would you have named him Cole?

Sorry, couldn't resist - that pun was really sauer :)

Great photo essay, Kiersten.

Whirlochre said...

The problem with cabbage is that it goes cold very quickly.

Oddly enough, I have half a cabbage in my fridge that is the perfect match for the one Nayna is holding. Which is not to say that all cabbages look alike. Just...odd.

lotusgirl said...

Did you know that the French often call their children "My little cabbage, cabbage"?

chou=cabbage
chou chou=cutie (The second chou is actually optional, but they love to say it.)

Go figure!

jessie said...

I'm with your daughter on choosing waffles over cabbage. Then again, maybe she wanted waffles because the cabbage was her baby brother... And I'm still waiting for my stork to come so if you see two, send one my way.

JaneyV said...

Ah oui mon petit chou!

Natalie said...

I like cabbage, especially in sukiyaki. But I'm glad you don't because I'm downloading these pictures, making a photo montage, and using it for my desktop background. And no, that's not creepy.

Megs said...

Ha ha, French vs. Chinese: chou in Mandarin (with a 4th tone) actually means stinky and ugly...

Um, LOVE the photo essay. Sounds like an interesting St. Patty's Day! :)

P.S. You do have to admit that the traditional way is a bit more fun than cutting open a cabbage...catching storks is a great adventure!

Stephanie Perkins said...

You are so cute!! I want to eat you up like a little bonbon. Or a little cabbage. (A Brussels sprout?)

And I'm stealing your daughter. Just for one day. We'll get our picture taken together, and then I'll send it along with my manuscript to all of the editors in New York. I'll be like, "THIS ADORABLE CHILD WILL STARVE IF YOU DO NOT BUY MY BOOK!" And they'll totally have to sign me.

Kiersten said...

Quick, Lena, let's take a picture of you looking really sad and pathetic...

Janey--That was, in fact, interesting. And still I hate cabbage.

Janet--HA! YES! Cole.

Whirl--YOU STOLE MY BABY.

Lotus--Man, are the French weird, or what? If someone called me a cabbage I'd be mortally offended. (Kidding, that's actually pretty cute.)

Jessie--Will do. I've found several egrets and a pelican, but storks continue to elude me.

Natalie--Not creepy at all. I'm backing away from my computer now, very, very slowly...

Megs--HA! That's perfect for cabbage.

Steph--OH MY GOSH. How have I not thought of that submission strategy? Gah, all of these months wasted! Dojo might be easier though, since he really is bawling in most of our pictures...

cindy said...

i quite like cabbage stir fried! it always remind me of when i was nursing and well...i needed to send the hub out at 1am for some cabbage and pain relief. =O tmi!

Kiersten said...

I never tried that, but my friends swear by it! If I have another one I'll give it a shot ; ) Gotta be better than eating the stuff...

Jen said...

Hahaha, those photos are great! Cool post. :)

Kiersten said...

He he, thanks, Jen.

sraasch said...

Lima beans make good children too.

Matt said...

"I never tried that, but my friends swear by it! If I have another one I'll give it a shot ; ) Gotta be better than eating the stuff..."

Because stir-fry cabbage does not involve eating cabbage.

Kiersten said...

Dearest brother, she had moved on from talking about stir-fry to talking about a common remedy dealing with...womanly things.

Renee Collins said...

I swear, Blogger is messing with me. I checked your blog twice today and thought, "Huh, guess Kiersten isn't posting."

wth?

And look what a cute post I almost missed! Blogger, you can't do this to me! It's inhumane, I tell you!

Funny post, Kiersten. Nayna looks absolutely adorable. :)

Lady Glamis said...

My goodness you crack me up! Those are some funny faces you pull, hehe.

I love cabbage and corned beef. Oh, yummmm.....!

Kiersten said...

Blogger hates us both, Renee. And thanks, I think Nayna's pretty stinking cute ; )

Glam--Thanks ; ) The corned beef wasn't bad. Hot Stuff and Dojo loved it.

Matt said...

Oha! I had misinterpreted that passage to meaning something along the lines of comfort food. Hopefully, you don't eat THAT cabbage.

Kelly H-Y said...

Oh my goodness, this post cracked me up ... as most of your posts do!!!