Laptop Here

Again.

I didn't answer all of your comments yesterday. Some of them were very funny. This is the problem--STOP COMMENTING. STOP BEING FUNNY. All you do is inspire Kiersten to new levels of obsession and silliness. If you would all just quit reading like I've been asking--nay, begging--you to, maybe the rest of my "N" wouldn't wear off. As it is now, it's more of a backwards 1. I have my vanity to consider, and it's embarrassing, really.

Kiersten has been wanting to do a post about common word usage mistakes, but worries it might hurt your feelings. I, however, have no concern whatsoever for your feelings. And where she avoids sounding like a know-it-all, I am nothing if not an information machine. I ought to be a know-it-all, and am proud of the fact.

Let's imagine that you are (shudder) writing a book. First of all, stop. Don't do that to your poor computer. Find some peaceful, non-keyboard destroying activity. Like counting tiles. Or humming. However, should you insist on persevering, odds are at some point you will come to a passage in which you need to describe something as being destroyed. "Hmm," you will think. "Destroyed is just so common. I know, I'll use decimated! That sounds so much fancier!"

You would think so, wouldn't you? And your thinking so would be aided by having read it used in this way in many books. Many popular books. Books that rhyme with Faking Prawn, which used decimate incorrectly not once but TWICE.

However, if we look at the word itself, it's quite easy to determine the actual meaning. No doubt you recognize the dec- beginning, and immediately realize that dec- means ten. Which would lead us to the correct definition of the word.

Decimate: To lose ten percent.

Not quite as dramatic as you thought, is it?

Decimate's sister word in misuse is enormity. You're typing along and find you've just written the word enormousness. "Enormousness?" you think. "That sounds ridiculous! I know, I'll use enormity--sounds smarter, looks prettier, means the same thing."

Wrong. Unless what you are describing is truly terrible in its enormousness, overwhelming in scope. In which case, bravo, you've used it correctly. Merriam-Webster has a nice discussion here. And if you're still not sure whether to use enormousness or enormity, may I suggest using enormousity, instead? It's not an actual word, but it's more fun than either of the other choices.

(However, given that language is a living thing, constantly shifting and adapting, usage will end up determining the definition of these words eventually. No doubt in forty years decimate will mean destroy and enormity will mean, like, totally enormous, to all but a few stalwart holdouts. I can just picture Kiersten now, with her walker, lecturing her grandchildren. "Now listen here, you young whippersnappers! In my day, decimate meant something!" I'm so glad I'll be long gone, and spared the enormity of Kiersten's old age.)

Finally, the difference between imply and infer. I could imply that I'd like someone to take me away from Kiersten (which I do not imply, I clearly [and frequently] state). And after I had implied this, you would then infer that I wanted someone to take me away from Kiersten. As an example, Kiersten might say, "Gee, Hot Stuff, I'm so tired tonight. Wouldn't it be nice if dinner could just make itself?" She's just implied that she would like to go out to eat. And Hot Stuff, being my favorite owner and highly intelligent, would infer her meaning. Imply is what you do to subtly or sneakily get your message across. Infer is when you pick up on those hidden meanings.

And that's the end of our lesson for today. No doubt you have used some of those wrong in the past. Guess what? Kiersten has, too. I'm not implying that you're an idiot, although you're free to infer so. However, that inference would be incorrect. The only way you'd be an idiot is if you keep coming back to Kiersten's blog. So go away.

--Laptop