It's true! Coming up on Tuesday is my one year bloggiversary! Amazing. Wait, scratch that--Awesome.
And what anniversary is complete without a contest? (You should have seen my fifth wedding anniversary contest--it involved samurai swords and watermelons. I'd recreate it here, but it doesn't translate well into type.)
There are two possible ways to enter the contest. You can do either, or both, as many times as you want. I'm all about quantity. And the Very Awesome Winner will be the recipient of a Wholly Crap Prize Package of Wonder and Awesomeness! (Trust me, it's awesome.) Plus, there will be a ridiculous bonus prize for either one or two or three (or four? Or five. No, just "or two," I think) runners-up. Probably you won't want it. Just warning you.
(Don't worry--although I thoroughly enjoyed my 200th post contest, wherein whoever offered me the coolest prize got to give it to me [I still love my birdie painting from the amazing and talented Cindy Pon], I decided this time I'd actually give something to you. Well, "you" if you win.)
The Contests
Option One:
Tell me why you visit my blog. (I always wonder about this.) Update: It does not have to stroke my ego. I am genuinely curious as to what attracts people to blogs and why they come back. Are you a writer? Fan of sarcasm? Really like the word awesome? So on and so forth. You can sing my praises if you want, but it's by no means the best way to win...
Examples:
"I'm a fan of your shameless narcissism!" Why, thank you! So am I!
"It makes me feel better about my own blog. At least I'm sane." Too true. Or you were until you started visiting here...
"I HAVE TO. I'm a laptop, I can't just close my eyes and ignore it. The pain, the pain...please, type it on another computer!" Laptop, as a family member, is not qualified to enter.
Option Two:
Write the opening paragraph to a Kiersten White biography. It can be straight biographer style, it can be fictionalized, or dramatized. Let's avoid eroticized though, because PG blog, remember? Also, eew.
Examples:
"The moment Kiersten laid eyes on Hot Stuff, she knew she had to have him. It wouldn't be easy--the competition was fierce. Still, anything in this world worth having was worth fighting for. Fingering the switchblade she always kept in her pocket, Kiersten eyed the pack of slavering, vicious co-eds jockeying for position. Hot Stuff would be hers."
"Kiersten's lip quivered; her green eyes filled with tears. She was the shortest kindergartner on the playground, and yet another big kid had just shoved past her, laughing as he shouted, 'Shrimp!' Mrs. Cook, her teacher, nodded sympathetically. 'You know, Kiersten, good things come in small packages!' Thus began Kiersten's violent, blood-drenched quest for world domination."
"Once upon a time there was a girl named Kiersten. She had one tall husband and two small children. She also had a dream: to be the world's best dancer. Unfortunately she totally sucked at dancing, and so took up writing instead, much to everyone's relief. She was a really, really bad dancer."
There you have it! It's all about me. Of course. It's my anniversary; what were you expecting? But it's also about YOU, because you could win. And, even if you don't, we'll all adore your bound-to-be-wonderful entries.
So many ways to enter, so few things to win! Leave your entries in the comments section so we can marvel at your brilliance. And this contest is open to anyone, so feel free to de-lurk. I'll accept entries until Tuesday, March 24th, 6 AM Pacific time and announce the winner later that day.
31 comments:
Woohoo, contests!
I'm going to do both. Because I don't have anything to study for today, and this is my way of celebrating (woot woot!).
Option One:
I visit Kiersten's blog because the world's supply of wit is slowly being sucked dry by the vicious bad-ness that happens all around. Any guaranteed supply of wit must be savored and cherished, therefore, Kiersten's blog must be visited to save mankind.
Option Two:
Biography: "Once upon a time in a tiny little kingdom in a faraway land, there lived a girl named Kiersten, who wanted to be a--"
Kiersten: "No, no, no, NO! Cut!"
Biography: "What? I haven't even gotten to the good stuff--"
Kiersten: "EXACTLY. Try it again, but suck less."
Biography: *grumble* "Once upon a time, Kiersten was the--"
Kiersten: "What's with the once upon a time cliche? Really? Setting my life up to be a cliche?"
Biography: *grumble* "In the beginning, Kiersten was--"
Kiersten: "Been done before."
Biography: "Call me Kiersten--"
Kiersten: "Nope."
Biography: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but Kiersten--"
Kiersten: "NO."
Biography: "I'm running away with Laptop. I know I'll be happy with him."
Kiersten: "What? You can't leave me! You don't exist without me!"
Laptop: "It's true, Kiersten. We're in love. And I don't like how you've been treating Biography, so as punishment I will now fade to the blue screen of death."
Kiersten: *grumbles*
Bwa ha ha ha ha! Oh, off to a screaming good start...
I visit because a) I like stalking you, sort of, but not really because I know you in "real life" anyways... and b) I am hoping that some of your writing genius will rub off on me.
...I don't think I can compete with the bio above....so I'm not even gonna try. ;o)
xox
Obviously given the level of awesome going on here, I will have to give this some thought. Or possibly completely forget about til Tuesday whereupon I write some drivel which you'll think is awesome anyway on account of it being in an Irish accent.
Thinking…thinking…thi-ooh look! A butterfly!
On April 23rd last year, on EE's Anniversary blog, during a discussion (!) about teen love poetry, you said...
Oh my gosh, I just remembered a poem about bra shopping I wrote in college. If I find it, I'll post it on my blog. Please, please let it not be lost...
We'd been exchanging comments for a while up until this point, but this was the moment I realised just how awesome you were.
Here's the link...
http://shetoldmehewastasty.blogspot.com/2008/04/bar-4th-round.html
Option 1: Because I'm trying to keep up with as many YA writers bloggers as possible! (and yours is very entertaining to boot)
I visit you blog because your cool and you're friends with Natalie and Renee. We belong to the secret "M" club, you know. Although I still need to meet all of you to truly belong, I'm sure.
And you live in one of the most awesome places ever. I'm quite jealous, and can only get rid of the sting by reading your super cool blog that makes me smile every time you post!
I visit you because of all your royal awesomeness. I like to bask in your brilliance.
Ah, shucks ; )
Does it count that I posted your awesomeness on some other blog (Whirlocre) or do I have to kowtow to your awesomeness here in the comment section?
If yes, I'll be back (try to say with Terminator inflection :)
Janet
Please remember I love you, Kierst.
Option 1: I come to your blog to feel better about myself. None of my internal organs have exploded, I didn't have a certain terrible incident in Mexico, and I had no freaky boyfriends in high school. Oh yeah, and I'm you're bff or something.
Biography: Kiersten has this weird problem with uneven numbers. The fact that she has 51 followers and not 50 or 52 is probably driving her insane. And yet she can't bear to change it and have someone think she might be crazy like that.
Kiersten, I spent some time yesterday going over how your biography should be written. (To do it properly would, of course, be epic in scope and require the talent of Ken Burns, or Sixty Minutes.)
I have an opening paragraph, but there are pictures associated with it, and I don't believe pictures can be posted in a comment.
So, if you would like, I will post the paragraph without pictures here, and (with your permission) post the paragraph with pictures on one of my blogs.
I await the ruling of The Master. Mistress? Whatever.
Can't compete with the rapid-fire wit of your blogging buddies, (sort of like reading an episode of "Gilmore Girls" everyday) but I do have an idea for the Punktuation's follow-up CD: a remake of the Glen Campbell classic "Wichita Line Edit Man." I read your blog because I pride myself on having given birth to such a clever, brilliant, and absolutely adorable daughter. (Where did you come from, girl?) You rock, Kiersty bug!
Is that your mom? So is White your maiden name? Okay, well I must say your very wise mother said it all. It is sort of like reading an episode of Gilmore Girls, and that is why I come back. You can be depended on for laugh, tears, and brilliant.
I'll have to think about the bio part...
Janet--To allow comments on other people's blogs to count would lead to chaos, I fear.
Natalie--I know ONE follower I could block to take it back to fifty...
Just kidding. That was awesome.
Bevie--That sounds great. And 60 Minutes did call me the other day...
Mom--While giving birth to me is probably one of the better reasons for reading my blog, as a direct family member you are not eligible to win ; ) Love you, too!
Jessie--Yes and yes ; ) My favorite part of this blog is the comments, too!
Okay. My submission is ready. Here is the text. Click on the link to "Guest Comment" to see the pictures.
Kiersten: From The Intimidating MASKED WIZARD to Famous Author
By Bevie James (suck-up extraordinaire)
Until her rise to fame and fortune as the world’s top YA author, Kiersten was best known for her Super Hero activities along the Western Seaboard. As “The Masked Wizard,” she ranged the coast weeding out the horrors of poor punctuation and grammar until that fateful day when the evil assassin, “Anonymous,” discovered her weakness: cabbage. Only the timely arrival of the equally magnificent “Hot Stuff” saved her from the smelly interior of The Cabbage Patch. But the ordeal left her weakened - and short. (She lost eight inches to her frame.) So she turned to writing. But how did this mild mannered woman of the west rise to such heights as “The Masked Wizard” and “Author Fantastic”? That is the reason for this book.
happy one year, kiersten! i love your blog because i love to read all you write, real and not. and i also love great vanity fotos! hee!
Well to clarify (he-hem), although I do read the comments which are clever, I'd have to say that when I agreed with 'Gilmore Girls' I was thinking mostly of you. You are Rory. You are Lorelai. You are...Rorelai...?
I visit Kiersten's blog because of all of the benefits. (It's all about ME, baby, ME.) Kiersten's blog makes my teeth whiter. It helps me lose weight WITHOUT diet and exercise. It frightens away stray, cabbage-carrying Yeti, which is a good thing because we get a lot of those attacks in my neighborhood.
Oh, and because said blog is made of awesome. Can't forget that part.
There's way too much AWESOME going on here. Every comment is off the scale smart. I can't compete. my intellect is too wooly, my wit got a big dose of shyness and ran of to hide.
So without a trace of silliness or irony - or indeed any other kind of metal adjective- I submit my reason for visiting your blog...
I really like you Kiersten.
Bevie--AWESOME.
Everyone else--This is making a rough weekend much happier ; )
I visit your blog because I like short people. Really, half my family is very short! I've decided that short bodies hold concentrated personalities.
Besides the whole short thing, there's the added bonus of your witty commentary and stories and insightful writing tips. It's like Chicken Soup for the Adult Conversation Starved Writing Mommy Soul.
OPTION ONE:
I came here because...well, because I'm an obsessive fan of Robin, and you exist in her world, and so I followed her here. And you made points on EE that I liked. And then you wrote about Dollhouse, so now I'm hooked.
You like Dollhouse? I like you even more. Hubby watched the first one and gave up but being a big Joss Wheadon fan I persevered and this week Kerching! the cute guy from Battlestar Galactica got... (oh PG. PG. - self censorship kicking in) ... into a lot of bother. (crisis averted).
Um, I have to agree with JaneyV - there's no way to compete. Never been much for competitions anyway.
But I hope the reason I visit is obvious; just can't stay away from my 5th-grade-and-on bestest friend (and white blood cell) ever! ;)
Ok, that and the fact that you are often the best entertainment I have every day. Thanks for posting so often!
Sometimes Robin emails me to say that ril or someone has put something about me on Robin's blog, and I should go look at it. But she doesn't leave a link, and when you click on her name and go to her profile there's nothing in the "My Blog" section. I can't remember the url of her blog (it should be okayimready but instead it's something about a hill I think. Anyway, eventually I look through my mail from other people to see who I think might have a link to Robin's blog, and you do, so I go to your blog so I can click on "Robin the Great."
Most flattering entry so far, I think.
I love your blog. There really aren't enough blogs about toddler vomit in this world.
Your blog is fun and makes me laugh. We all need that in our lives!
A bit late, but I come by to borrow parentheses.
Oh, sure. (((((()))))) But I need them back by tomorrow.
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