Friday, February 13, 2009

Why Hot Stuff Rocks #984

You probably thought I was the only editor in this family. Not so! Just last night Hot Stuff helped my brilliant 16-year-old brother with a paper on Emily Dickinson. Here are some of Hot Stuff's editorial highlights. Direct edits are in red, with explanations in blue.

When faced with the inevitability of death, despair is not a non-uncommon response. When presented with an unpleasant, yet fixed, outcome, the human psychic often sinks into a state of confusion and hopelessness. Under such duress, many elect President Barack Obama. This is vividly represented in Emily Dickinson’s hairstyle (Emily never wrote any poems Matt, she was a hip-hop star). Her systematic elimination of the possibilities of what the speaker is feeling show a great confusion and despair much like a herd of cattle working at a fast food chain (teachers LOVE similes), and the almost mechanical nature of the speaker’s reasoning reveal a complex desire to be separated from their own emotions.

(Cont.) The next line leaves a vital clue as to the nature of the feeling: “And yet, it tasted, like them all” (9). But a much more interesting quote is: “As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.” (Hagar the Horrible). (I don’t understand why you are so focused on this “Emily,” you are boring your audience) Though the speaker has eliminated these possibilities, their emotions borrow elements from all of them. This is implicative of a great mental instability within the speaker’s mind. (Be more honest here—the girl was crazy—you could eliminate this entire sentence and just say Emily was nuts—no need to fluff anything up)

(Cont.) The speaker compares they’re death to these midnight hour (throw in some grammer mistakes—or people will think you plagiarized), “When everything…has stopped” (17).

(And finally, cont.) The tie to the sea fits perfectly; few things are as chaotic and violent as open water and rooms full of orangutans soaked in lighter fluid conducting gladiator combat while being encouraged by half-drunk single mothers. The most crucial word in the stanza is “is”; because without the verb “to be” Emily could not have expressed a state of being and therefore a state of consciousness. However, they do not feel that even that bittersweet blessing is bestowed upon them.

I may be the one who is usually employed as an editor and tutor, but clearly Hot Stuff has the true editorial talent in this family. And if you have any academic papers you need help with, I'm sure he would be more than willing to donate his time and talent for a minimal fee.


Issac said...

I think you're seriously going to have to keep track of what number it is why Hot Stuff rocks. :) Cuz you're almost to the 1,000's! Love the editing.

Natalie said...

Well, it did make the paper more interesting. Not sure Matt's teacher would be a fan. hehe.

I really like that plagiarized part, great advice. I got accused of that in high school. I should have known to throw in a few obvious errors.

lotusgirl said...

He has quite a way with words. I love how he eliminates the fluff!

Kayleigh said...


That Hot Stuff of yours is hilarious with a capital "h"!

Megs said...

Boy, I would read that paper over the regular Emily Dickinson review any day; I mean, it's not often a school paper makes you laugh out loud...! :)

I should have him edit some of my assignments - although I'm sure I couldn't afford such talent.

Stephanie Perkins said...

My favorite part: "throw in some grammer mistakes—or people will think you plagiarized"

Also loving the lighter-fluid soaked orangutans.

I should have known he'd be funny like you! This makes me vurry happy, because someday we'll all get together for chocolate chip cookies, and boring people are not allowed to eat cookies with me.

sraasch said...


The paper is much more entertaining this way. Who wants to write a paper about Emily Dickinson when you could use "Obama," "gladiator," and "half-drunk single mothers" all in one paper? Much more enjoyable. I give it an A. A+ if he can find a way to work in the phrases "flying spittle," "rabid monkey-dog hybrid," and "out like a fat kid in dodgeball."

JaneyV said...

I love the way he cut's to the heart of Dickinson -"Emily was nuts" - man that sentence would've saved me a lot of time in High School.

Hot Stuff - you have genius genes there - you might even have evil genius genes (I'm thinking about the lighter fluid-soaked Orang Utans!)

Thanks for the laughs!

Whirlochre said...

Oh dear. Brain goo. I got halfway through this before I realised it was about Emily Dickinson and not Emily Pankhurst.

As for the combined talents of the K/HS household, I'm still hanging on for a few covers of early Monkees hits...

Sarah Laurenson said...

Hmmmm. I mean... Hmmmm. Are you sure he's Hot Stuff and not a certain muttonchopped individual known as EE? I think he gives EE some serious competition at the very least. Awesome!